With regards to the article on "Related to Malaysian royalty but She went from Haute Couture to Hot Dogs" featured on The New Paper, Our Sunday 29th of June 2008.

Tengku Rozihar Tengku Zainol Abidin mentioned this phrase that I totally respected her for, "At home, I still pick up his clothes and prepare food for him. As an individual, I'm very traditional. I believe in being the 21st century woman, but not forgetting about my duties as a wife and a mother."

Why do I say that I respected her for it? Simple because she's a modern lady with a traditional aspect in her life. I know this is kinda a touchy topic to speak about, however it's my opinion... so heck with the comments eh.

Anyway, let's firstly establish the stand that I'm not being a sexist nor a sadist. And the Asian ladies and Western ladies had different household values from the start. Why? Reason being, that Asian ladies were taught to grow up to be mothers and housewives (mostly in the past, but some still do that) while Western ladies were taught to go out there and explore and enjoy. It's really a different culture.

Ok, back to the topic, being a very successful lady yet knowing that she had another responsibility to take care of her children and her husband is really a difficult job and also a tiring one. I do understand her situation, however, she being able to balance out her life and yet continue believing in it... it's really commendable.

How many times do you see news of mums abandoning their children? Wives divorcing their husbands and leaving their children behind or bring their children away? It may have a link or it may not. However, maybe one day if humans were to believe that nothing is impossible and things will work out when you believe that it will... things might change. Life will be easier to live and more joyful too. It may seem as an utopia state, however, nothing is really impossible.

Why had the World advance to it's current stage with regards to technological advances? No one believed that Bill Gates could sell his products of Microsoft once, but he believe and succeeded. No one believed that Singapore can be successful and grow when colonial rule ended, yet being where it is today, it's about believing and achieving it.

As the world becomes a 'better' place to live in, humans became complacent with their kind and became selfish to their own needs. They do develop the traits for working hard and really hard to the point that they fail to develop the traits of being caring towards one another and to love one another. The most basic law given by God, "To love one another, just as how I love you"...

I was kinda sadden by the news that one of Rovers quit scouting. Well, I termed her as tight skirt (no offence :})... she was really a potential yet to reach her maximum, yet she was gone just like that. I asked my friendly neighbour why? She replied that it was due to personal reasons. Maybe I'm kinda pushy, yet it's an irritating feeling to see a fellow sister to leave scouting just like that. Thus, I opened the option to come over to SandS if she is interested. Hopefully she would consider... I pray.

So many politics... so many that I would gladly avoid all of it and just live my life simply how it is suppose to be. Can't life be made simply? Can't people stop politics? It's not even beneficial for the people around, yet it continues to go on and on. Why?

Life is about holding on to what's dear to you and to protect it, is it?

Promises are meant to be broken, is it?

The higher the expectations, the harder the fall, is it?

It's a weird experience to try to protect something you cherish and had pride in. Have you seen a group of leaders going out of school, like a group of mafia, just because some idiot from an express class (supposedly the smartest class among the others) shouted something negative to the unit?

Have you seen a leader shouting back to an officer due to his simply ignorant comment about his kids marching in the contingent?

And have you seen a leader willing to give his or her life for the very passion and hope in?

Well, it's time to open your eyes and look around. Cos' you might be one of these very people, yourselves.

SYF ended with a high note and with a boom!

Anyway, Saturday was really a hectic and tiring day for me and some of my buddies. Let's see the schedule that I went through...

0900 hrs - Unit Meeting at White Stag Scout Unit
1400 hrs - Macaw's dance competition (I felt so cheated to go there. The distance plus the drinks and the tiredness ...)
1900 hrs - Red Fox Campfire
2300 hrs - PLTC 08' Committee Meeting (I was just an observer and assisting Ms J. in her minutes and waiting for that Wombat!!)
0030 hrs - Cin's long over birthday party.

Soon, it will be back to schooling and my personal life again. I felt that there are lots of unsettled stuff yet to settle as well as unsolved.

Well, seeing all my mei mei being happy has been a satisfying sight early this morning. It was really a sight that I have yet to see for a long long time. Well, soon I hope to see all my jie jie being happy too.

Life is full of changes as well as improvement. A learners attitude - by Wolf. I have to agree that if not for those words, that he told me before I took up the position as a District Secretary... I wouldn't have survive so long. I would have given up and just move on. However, being an egoistic and proud person. I must finish what I had been tasked to do before letting it go.

Soon, I may have to let go of some responsibilities in my life. This is so to take on new and heavier responsibilities. I do have to agree to some points that Wombat and R.Bat pointed out yesterday. I can't be too selfish at times, if it's for the unit and for the moving and advancement of the unit, what has to be done... must be done. Yet, I have that unsettling feeling.

I'm glad that SandS Rover Crew had made some changes over time and is moving onto a new direction. Like what Wolf mentioned, it isn't about training excellent and outstanding leaders. It's more to guiding leaders to the right path as well as to allow them to learn and to do their best. To be a leader of leaders, it ain't easy nor is it very difficult. I aim to be one... to train and to guide. To pay it forward.

Loyalty in the unit? If one scout were to be loyal to the unit, whenever and wherever the scout goes, it will always bring his thoughts, his words and deed back to glorified the unit that taught him and brought him up to the man he is. Despite being in different units at certain point in my Scouting life (such as in SandS Rover Crew), my thoughts and words and deeds are always reflecting White Stag Scout Unit.

Why must a Scout master worry about the scout losing loyalty to the unit? Is it a sign of lack of confidence and trust in the scout you taught? Isn't seeing your scout growing to be a better person as well as to teach others the value that was taught to him, a sign of success? Shouldn't a leader be proud of that fact?

My stand in whatever there is in scouting, as long as the scout from my unit or that I had taught once, go out there and be a better person, a leader and a brother... my job is done. I understand the need to practice true blue scouting at certain point of time. That's where tradition and modernisation clashes. The trickery to allowing tradition to stay yet making it as modern as possible for the new generation of kids, is a problem for most leaders.

Why so? We can't keep staying at a certain spot and wade around it forever... progressive steps have to be taken so as to improve and to attract the newer generations of kids. We can't expect the kids to poof and say, "Scouting looks interesting as compared to the other uniform groups?"

When I was in Scouting, I was laughed at by fellow peers when my unit was the Guard-of-Honour contingent for the National Day Parade in the school. When other uniform groups marched with rifles and their No. 1 uniform... we marched with white gloves and our normal uniform. We were jeered at before and laughed when they asked what items we will be carrying along to march out. Nevertheless, we prove to them that we are as good or even better than the other uniform groups.

So if we are going to stay as how we are now in Scouting, kids will lost interest. With the government moving towards entrepreneurship and arts culture and sports... uniform groups are deem less important... after all, it's peace time. We do not have to train young soldiers and man or woman to fight for the nation until required by law in the National Service.

Whatever it is, Scouting in Singapore have to reach it's next milestone. To be a brand name as well as a household name. Each scout would be able to walk down the street with pride and honour and declare that he or she is a scout, without people jeering or bad-mouthing them, but praising and honouring them. That scenario in Thailand as police officers escorted the scouts and the way the people of the nation greeted and honour the scouts, was an unforgettable one.

I can't seem to shake of that feeling... I still do like her but I need to kill that feeling fast. I do not want to spoilt another's happiness. Maybe I just need to kill my emotions again to prevent such matters from happening again. I'll be able to do it!

To the SYF peeps, thank you for the fun time and hope that you guys and girls learn something from this experience! Seek and you shall find!

I'm showing signs of misbehaviour and disrespect again, I guess. Maybe it's my way of telling that I do not care who calls the shot anymore. I would rather do things my way to ensure that the kids are happy and proud of their effort done. Maybe due to conflict of objectives and responsibilities, that resulted in the different methods of handling.

Perhaps, I'm wearing down again. Lack of sleep... (an excuse I normally tell others).

I tried to hide my signs of irritation and lame-ness, however at times, it just came out naturally due to the actions by others. I would serious considering 'colding' and 'hardening' my emotions even more to prevent such facial expression or actions... it doesn't really reflect well on the others as well as on myself, I guess.

I was really happy to see Sista at the SYF parade today. She had put on much weight and is really looking more and more like an oba-san! Haha kidding. She's still a sister I would love and care for. But clear your pimples first and shed some spare tyres. Haha. Anyway your other friend looks cute. Wahaha.

Okay, later would be the main event. After which, I wonder how this event serves any purpose in bonding the kids together. Knowing how Tampines District is run (barely actually), I'm quite sure that when all else ends, the kids have made many more friends in their scouting life as well as brothers and sisters. Jokes and lame-ness aside...

I pray that later will be a success!! Yeap yeap.

Anyway back to my life... satisfaction from seeing my brothers falling in love. Weird but true. I'm not gay... haha but it's really satisfying to see others being happy. I don't know why, but it's in me since some time ago. I can't really remember why I made that self-principle up.

My dad asked me recently about childhood activities and places that I was brought to. I couldn't remember and he commented: "You can't remember your own childhood... do you have a childhood a not?" I take it as a wake up call for me to stop blocking out things and remembering more things for now so that I wouldn't lose my memories again. I tried to really think about the childhood memories... I can't remember much actually. I wonder why.

Anyway, it's time to do some reflecting about my life again. Reflection my actions, my decisions made, my future plans from now on. I got to think of how my career path will be like and when I would like to get married (provided if I find a suitable partner - someone scouty?! haha kidding). Anyway no rush to r/s? I rather not hurt others at times, but most of the time, I guess I unknowingly will. Am I really trying to rush into a r/s now? I do not know

I would like to ask myself that if I liked this girl, why? Is it just pure crush, infatuation, a temporary feeling. Will the r/s last long? Will we be happy together or just gonna 'fight' each time we meet? All these plays a part as I would normally place that girl as part of my life. Someone that I would depend on and she would depend on me. However being independent as well. It's complicated for me...

I'm driven!

Let's learn ves-ism! Haha. That's the latest trend in White Stag Scout Leaders Council now...

Well, what it is about... that question belongs to the Gibbon to answer. Well, the leaders' meeting was kinda relax yet tense at some point of time. Well, if there is no tension or disagreement, things wouldn't change for the better, right? And we will just be experiencing group think and die from it.

While talking to a junior today, I asked him... What does leadership mean to you? He replied in a very modern and honest manner. I do appreciate his comments, as I do stand by it too. I wouldn't comment on his answers however, leadership in Scouting and leadership in military school are two different aspects and perspectives. Why so?

My opinion is that in military school or anything to do with military, there are very rigid procedures and protocols. This includes files and ranks. Where as in Scouting, it's more to brotherhood. Although I understand that it is a uniform group, the distinction from us to the others is the very fact that we treat each other as brothers and sisters, regardless of age or religion or race or language. So why are we treating the boys or girls like soldiers? Due to image? due to respect? due to proper procedure?

Well, screw it. As long as the scouts are happy, so am I. Weird to think about it. I can be super shy and non-communicable in my normal self. However, going to scouting activities with juniors that I barely know, I could really TCS with them. Haha maybe it's a different image.

I pray that tomorrow, none of them will freak out from the huge amount of audience. Seriously, it will be freaking scary for first-timers. They can just froze there and blank out. I've been there and I was really shivering. I have stage fright at times, so pardon me.

Well, my life now... it's not in a mess yet not really in the direction too. I've lost my way somehow, I need HIS guiding hand to bring me across my troubles and to go back the path again. I pray ...

Let's begin some personal msg again.

To Wisdom Keeper, you're really a brother that I never thought I would click with... until very long time ago. Thank you very much for sharing your experience and your thoughts and ideas with me. I appreciate the effort you took to guide me in Scouting and to be a better leader each day. Cheers to you!!

To Wombat and Raging Bat, slow and steady wins the race! (No link!!)

To Cottontail, sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep and rest!

To Bee, don't do this to me... don't leave me alone! I can't live without you! Wahaha so gay!

To Gibbon, Welcome to the District! and thank you for your endless volunteerism as well as enthu-ness in providing for the boys and the leaders

To Ralph, you're reaching there! Your turn is next!! Wahaha

Well, that should be all for the moment.

What's next for me? To end my declaration of love for her or to leave it hanging as it is. It's confusing... I've to decide fast. I wish I understand her and myself better. Who am I again?

Stop Loving, Start Communicating...

Communication among humans is the fundamental step to knowing others. Without communication, humans do not know much about each other and may also misunderstood each other's intentions.

Well, communication breakdown, is an often and common situation that many humans will face some day or may be facing now. Be it, in relationship, in operations, or in chatting...
I realized that being a fallen-angel and a human again, I lack the skill to communicate with most people, this excludes working and scouting... it's more of a personal friend to friend basis or sometimes even during relationship. Some may know that when I normally speak to others, I would normally linked it back to either scouting or maybe someone else who had a similar experience to it. I would not really talked about myself.

Some know that I had weird ways of handling matters as well as pertaining to defending something, while others know that I had preference over certain issues when it comes to scouting.

Singapore Youth Festival (SYF) Day 1... well, most of the scouts were fine and doing well for the parade segment itself. I didn't expect them to blend in so well and catch up to the other uniform groups that quickly. Quite impressive though. Well, I'm glad to see many familiar faces around and the bonding (not bondage) is getting stronger. Happy!

Tomorrow is another day for SYF... Well, results from school is out. First paper (PLB) 28/50. Somehow or another, I expected it due to last minute studying. No complains, however knowing myself, I could have done better if I have put in more effort. Whatever it is, I tried my best at that point of time. Let's see how TR will fare. I'm not very confident in that area though. Never really did get a hang of bid and offer.

To that Sunshine girl, I'm glad we are talking again. If you need anything, I'll be there.

To my God-sisters (if any ever read my blog), it's been a while since I asked how are you girls. Well, I know you are busy with your lives... Just to let you know that I'm here too!! Hope to catch up with some of you soon.

To that turtle... 10% saving each time you get your salary! Save the Turtles Fund.

To Macaw, good luck for your competition on Saturday at NTU (freaking far place to have a competition, right? and freaking expensive for the tickets [SGD $20.00]!!!) Who else is going?

To Raging Bat... Go for her!! You get what I mean. Give you one, Raging Bat clap!

To Russian Bear, stop and think. All work makes Russian Bear, a dull animal. Time to get hitched!

To Wombat, erm erm haha

To that little girl, if you think I'm being pushy, I'm sorry. Have it your way :)

To those out there thinking why am I doing this. Simply, those people came into my mind just now. Not that I do not feel or think for those who are not being mentioned. And don't be surprise someday if I suddenly msg you, out of the blue, to ask about you or to send you an encouragement msg. :) Cheers!

Jealousy is the cousin of greed!!...

Anyway, that's a one liner from a song...

The World is making it's turn as I'm typing my story here online. The virtual/ cyber world is dynamic, however, yet nothing major is changing. Unlike the physical World, as the environment changes, people suffers. Looking at the recent events happening on Earth, is this really the turning point whereby people wakes up from their ideas and starts to do things better for the World?

Canada is suffering from a serious fire blaze again, due to lightning activities from a storm. Philippines is still suffering more casualties, not only from the environment but also from sinking ships. US is still suffering from floods. China and Myanmar is still recovering from the quake that happened about a month ago.

The financial market is still rather unstable, as oil prices seems to fluctuates a lot as well as food output seems to be a major problem to feed the growing population of the World. When will this end? When will peace come again?

So many undetermined factors. So many variables in life. How can one remain sane after living in this insane World each day?

Tell me why?

Heyo

Let's continue with Day 5 of DPCC.

Well, woke up at 7am sharp. This was really surprising as I was really shag through-out the night. This includes packing Waiman into her sleeping bag and carrying her to sleep beside Wombat as well as outside in the parade square.

I was trying to sort out all the photos taken during the camp, however, I fell asleep several times. And when I woke up, my finger would still be pressing the next button again and again. I guessed, my mind and eyes had shut down, but my body is still working non-stop.

Well, the sight in the morning, was quite weird at first, as the place looks more empty and there weren't any tall structures around. Slowly, I realised that most units had started to packed up their campsite by striking camp. I was like.. woah, they are serious about going home fast.

Although each unit was busy trying to settle their own campsite, upon finishing with their campsite, most members were running amok trying to help other units to clear up theirs as well. It was a pleasant sight to see. It really shows how much bond and friendship were being built over those 4 days. 4 days of hell, created a friendship that may last for eternity.

Well, things were kinda screwed up later as school lorries came to picked up the logistics, however participants could not be released until about 4 plus. I was really pissed with the bus driver for White Stag as he scolded Jedi and R. in front of the boys. Haha when Jedi went to tell him that we are not taking the bus back anymore, that idiot didn't understand English. Bear tried to speak in Chinese to him... by then I was really in a bad mood. Thus I told him off that we are no longer interested in taking his bus service and that he can F* off from the school. He did leave, and he was in a shocked. I'm glad I shoo him away. I would rather much punch him also (but no violence, in front of the scouts)...

The flag break was a really happy thing for all of us, as most of us walked away with a smile on our face. Seeing those kids grow out of their comfort zone, it's really fun. haha. Anyway, as all the kids hurried home, the camp staffs were busy packing up their stuff and checking for all the facilities being used, before locking up and going over the Tampines Mart McDonald's for a meal as well as to settle some paper work. We had a good laugh about the camp as well as some sharing sessions before heading home to our comfortable beds.

Personally, this camp gave me an opportunity to understand why I'm still in Scouting after so long. It's very much to learn about myself as well as to pay back to the next generation whenever the previous generation gave and taught me.

Rovering... its a old concept of scouting, yet still new in Singapore. So what's rovering actually like in Singapore? (http://singaporerovers.org/)
Well, I don't know, but my take is this, to learn and to grow and to guide and to teach.

Well, next up.... SYF. I wondered, what's installed for me?

Back to my life... school's starting in about 5 more hours. I'm still blogging after doing my CFAS e-learning, which I found out that I had assignments to complete like an hour ago. WTH boy.

I'm tired now... I will see SYF peeps on tuesday then!

Heyo,

Let's continue with Day 4... it's one hell of a day I could say.

Well, it's open house, thus anything could happen and anyone could pop by... however, I didn't really expect much people to do so as the Open House Event was announce kinda late during the holidays, thus I didn't expect the cub units to drop by and visit. However, surprisingly, Cuon really did came down with more than half it's strength to support their DPC members. I would say that all DPC team needed that kinda support, really.

I could imagine myself during NPC 2003, where we waited for a leader to come down to visit us during the Open House Day. No one came... we were definitely sad and disappointed. However, we continued to stay strong as other units supported us by inviting us to visit their campsite. We also went around looking to see if there is any 'hot' girls around. That's how they spotted Sista.

Well, campfire was really traditional as the campfire circle drew closer and closer towards the end. It was really memorable to participate in such a campfire whereby all the participants are closely knitted after a few days of camping, and then celebrating for their hard work and effort.

Orienteering was kinda easy, except for some checkpoints that were rather tricky. Backwoodsman cooking was an eye-opener as we get to see White Stag burning their pail, chicken being stuff with sticks and grilled over a campfire. HELLO, have any of the scouts, BBQ before? What do you cook with? Flame or ember...

Well, this is scouting I guess...

Anyway, it went on smoothly... and that night is sure a memorable night for Hairy Crab, as he ORD-ed... as well as the new scouting name ready to shine in Tampines as well as in Singapore. Caring Cottontail.

Well, 4 days of hell, 4 days of memories...I hope all DPC members do bring back something from the camp to improve themselves as well as to love each other more. Well, I'm not surprise to see BGR forming after the camp.. :)

Anyway let's continue Day 5, tomorrow.

Back to my life...I went to work today, it was kinda mild and there isn't much excitement. However, it was fun seeking Anna again, asking redundant questions and joking with her. Those good old times when I was still at the baby pool eh.

The moon is really nice for today as well as yesterday. It seems very near as well as bright. I would what sign does it represent. I msg her to view the moon, at both times, she wasn't able to. Well, I do hope that if someone somehow manage to view the moon for those two days. I would like to say that I am here viewing it at my spot... the same moon that you are viewing from your spot. Despite the different location, at least we are viewing something nice together.

Well, I've got many pre-occupying matters to settle before my time is up. I guess communication breakdown and lack of understanding is a major hurdle for me to overcome in relationships. Having my life in scouting, normally affects my relationship with most people. Well, let's say both my previous relationship was a failure in management of time and attention to. I don't know... maybe one day someone will just pop by and say Hello, I know you... haha.

SYF is coming, hope to train those kids well. D&D (Free-flow of drinks!!) is coming as well. I would how to concentrate on my studies. Sincere apologies to my project group members for missing out so much do to my personal activities... I know it's selfish of me to do such a thing. No worries, I would try my best to do whatever it takes for the group project to be completed as well as possible.

Current location is at Fairmount Hotel, viewing the moon! It's my Dad's 43th birthday! Happy Birthday, Pop. Live happy, live well. Don't have to worry about me anymore, I know what I'm living my life for now. It's to do my best in everything I do and to help other people in their learning curve. I have yet to achieve that one yet. But she's learning... she's learning. Mei mei! Don't think that I have forgotten about you. You are still on my list to guide and to love.

Nights people, donuts next week for the girls!

Heyo

Let's continue with Day 3 of the DPCC 2008.

Basically, I woke up at around 7am again, thus I had to rush through with the washing up as well as the flag break. Although, I guess the participants didn't really feel anything missed out.

So camp development judging begun, the judges were roaming around, checking for cleanliness, practically, stability and safety of the campsite. We reminded the participants again and again of their campsite hygiene as well as safety. I hope they understand what we meant so far.

As camp development was longer than expected, the pioneering portion was being pushed back for about an hr or 2. Thus, we decided to proceed with the pioneering section and co-currently have the lunch and dinner sections too. I was baking under the sun, basically from about 9am onwards.

No complains, as safety of the participants were the priority set out by the committee. We taught of doing a shower parade with a hose, however it was kinda difficult to do so. Thus WK decided to take the watering pot to 'water' each participants on their heads.

Honestly, they were very reluctant to do so, at first. Who in the right mind, would want to get wet for nothing? Until we told them the logic behind it, they became crazy to ask for more and more. I guess I still owe the Eagles a shower parade, right?

Yeap, thus after pioneering, the scouts went for their First Aid written and practical section. Honestly, I was very shag by then. I was fighting to stay awake by walking around, as when I tried sitting down... I would have dozed off. And I spotted one of the scouts drooling on the First Aid paper. I woke him up and showed him that puddle he created, he then turned to me and gave me that sleepish smile. I was laughing in my heart, how silly.

Day 3 was basically smooth running and simple to handle... Day 4, would be the horror day!!

Anyway back to my life...

I went out with Cottontail, 2 R.Bs, Wombat, Waiman, Wisdom Keeper and Jonne to experience the walk around Mt. Faber. It was a really fun outing, with lots of talking, laughing and sharing of new scouting ideas.

Dinner was great at S11 (Tampines)... We ate a heavy dinner before setting off. After completing most of the walk, we decided to go for supper, thus we ended up at Bukit Timah where we ate 32 sticks of chicken satay, mee goreng (Thai), mee goreng (Indian), Kebab, Mutabuk and a few more items. It was a really crazy supper.

After supper, we thought of going for a drink, so we drove to East Coast Park, where we witness a fight and set at the cafe before deciding that drinking wasn't ideal. Thus, we ended up at the infamous Red Light District, to have bean curd. We really had a crazy time eating "you tiao" while playing the "pokey game"

Our last pit-stop was at Wombat's workplace to watch a bit of Greece v.s. Spain before deciding it was time to end the day. All was well, all was tired as well. However, we all did have fun.

I'm happy to see brothers like 2 R.Bs and Wombat being enlightened by WK and being more into the zone. Cottontail, was being in a daze as usual (wake up wake up!!). Waiman, trying to feel comfortable among us, as well as for Jonne. For WK, he lives up to his name... there's more to learn yet more to share as well. I'm glad.

To all participants, name me 10 of your best buddies in your life?
Now, among the 10 buddies, how many of them are from scouts?

Well, suicide partner, glad that you have a calm and peaceful heart and mind. I thought of something unrelated. In life, are there 3 scenarios to friendship? Similarly, to market intrusion... an entry strategy, an exit strategy and an on-going strategy. Haha, weird eh.

Yeap, it's not that I do not have a life... Scouting is MY life.

Heyo!

Let's continue with Day 2 of DPCC experience.

Well, I slept for about 3 hours at the command post before being woke up by the Camp Chief!! Wah liao, it was like ... what time is it? And I jumped up and rushed to wash up and changed to full-uniform for the flag break.

It was another day of camp development, thus things were much slower and the morale level was dipping by the moment. Thus, after lunch, I've decided to speak to the Patrol Leaders of all the units to give them a wake up call of their purpose of coming for the competition.

I told them, you got 2 choices here.
1. To represent your unit, to work hard and win the competition with pride and honour, or
2. To waste the time, effort and money ($500 for registration, excluding new equipment course, fyi kids) and treat it as a leisure camp.

Well I knew that by saying this would be a double-edge sword. It either gives them the push or demoralise them further. It was until during the camp staff meeting that I realise it was the latter effect that took on them. I was sad, of cos'... however I understand that they can't really take that much of the pressure as well.

During the entire day, with safety as the number 1 priority, the casualty rate decreases. Participants were more aware of their environment and their working styles. It makes me happy sitting at the command post, thinking of the days, where I slog it out during National Patrol Camp. It was hell, however with brothers beside me, it was fun as well. I never regret those pain and hardship that I went through for that competition... it just makes me stronger.

I do have to admit I was in a piss-off mood half-way through the day. I guess the participants mood and attitude got into me. Thus, during the written paper, I do have to apologise for being harsh. I guess I have to do it, or else it will only irritate my conscience that the participants are taking this competition as nothing of importance in their lives.

Competitions are competitions, leisure is leisure... a clear line drawn between of it. Yet it's okay to have fun and leisure during competitions, just not excessively.

Well, I've learnt to understand that these kids, do have a limit to pressure. I've got to balance the amount given to them somehow or another. Well at least, I'm proud to see some units giving their best shot such as the Eagles and the Cuons. I do understand where they are coming from, and I do see that effort that the PLs take to push and encourage the members along. Isn't that what a PL is for and what is taught to you during PLTC 07?

Well, all in all, Day 2 was a fun day to see as morale fluctuates and teams started to interact more. It was ultimately cute, to see Oneida's Marcus to comment: "No time to bomb lah!". Laughter is still the best medicine despite all situations.

Well, suicide partner. Assisting people in their lives, has always been what I am asking for from God. Each night as I go to sleep, when I think of a person, I would pray: "God, please use me to help the person in his/ her life." I'm glad God made use of me in your life. It was a really fun time, I never thought that we are able to click somehow or another. However, I still do hope, that as friends, we could remain that friendship that God created for us. :)

Cottontail, seeing you attaining such a level of achievement, is indeed my honour to know you since 2004. I still remember that scene in my mind till today. Where all the ventures went after those girls, and both of us were standing at the back of the classroom. We shook hands with each other, and there starts the adventure of our scouting friendship. A dedication to you in this entry! May the scouting light continues to glow in you as you aim to be the Caring Cottontail.

I'm back from DPCC 2008. Honestly, as I laid on bed this morning, these are some of the things I felt!

1. Why is the 'thing' I'm sleeping on so soft and comfortable?

2. Why is it so quiet and peaceful instead of the buzzing and noise of laughter from the surrounding?

3. Why is there the lack of smell of the environment and the breakfast from elsewhere?

I've missed those 4 days of waking up each morning to see familiar faces and the smell of breakfast from each individual campsite. See faces of smiles yet tiredness...

Well, let's flashback from my point of view from Day 1.

630 hrs - Reached East Spring Secondary school.

It was back to preparing for the left over matters that wasn't able to complete the day before. All of us (Bats, CT, WM and me) as we didn't sleep the night before. It was really a shag moment. However, things started to get busy when units arrive to declare their equipment as well as to shift their equipment.

Well, I've got to admit, I was rather expecting the timing to follow smoothly, however, it didn't due to delays in school's movement. Camp development was slow, and there were lots of injuries going on. There was a major one from Cuon, minor ones from Eagles and other units. It's really kinda scary to see boys and girls not knowing how to handle equipment properly, thus causing themselves or their peers to be injured. Well, thanks to several leaders who kept a bird-eye view of the camp development, we managed to prevent several injuries.

I felt different on this day. It was really slack and there was a serious lack of morale, spirit and discipline. I was actually more angry that participants are not taking it seriously. I know it's pressurizing. However, it's a competition, after all. Without pressure, there will not have breakthroughs in life. Let me ask the participants again (whoever is reading), are you stronger today as compared to the camp? Do you know more about camping? Do you know more people especially your brothers or sisters in your own unit?

Well, all these are your life experiences that you will treasure and remember for life.

Well, Day 1, was really smooth except for some hiccups here and there. I'll continue with Day 2 activities in tomorrow's entry.

Back to my life...

I've met up with Turtle just now to collect her phone, as she left it on the cab. We had a nice time chatting up about stuff and when it comes to relationship. She was nagging to me again. Haha, that's her style I guess.


Well, sixth sense tells me something is wrong with communication and understanding. It's showing as well. So how can a relationship last or even begin if such issue acts as a barrier to it? Right?


Even so, I know she had a few suitors... thus, as brothers come first, I would rather let go. It's sad, stupid and hurtful... even I don't understand the logic. Maybe one day, if it is God-intended, we may get together. At the mean time, I'm just gonna stay back and see her from there.


Just as Mei mei mentioned, "Don't expect so much from her, she may not come for the campfire, so don't feel sad if she doesn't..." Well, I thought about it and during the camp, I felt a strong urge that something will be missing in this camp. Like what Mei mei said, she didn't turn up. Well, I hope she recovers quickly and be healthy.


It's really difficult to trust someone sometimes. However, I don't know... Am I just living in false hope to maintain the friendship? Am I just cheating myself that things may change after all? I pray it will, for her at least.


Well, time to start doing serious matters. Why don't I have a girlfriend now? haha, things to consider in this question...


1. Will she understand my schedule that I'm facing now, such as scouting, working, studying, brotherhood and family?

2. Will there be time for me to give to her, so that she will be happy?

3. Will there be a mutual trust, communication and love between us?

so many factors hindering me from moving forward... what should I do? Forsake my life, to live another? Argh. Life! full of shitty and pending matters to settle first.

Focus and Relax... that maybe the key to it!

(Whose that poster girl!)

Ok! It's set... next Sunday's campfire, she'll be coming down to visit me! Woah! Too bad mei mei can't make it or else there'll be a complete set of beautiful twins in the camp. Well, hopes are set high now... hopefully it doesn't come crashing down again.

Anyway, that little one knows after all. Playing hard to get? I don't know... anyway studies studies studies... and decisions decisions decisions. I'll wait and see.

It takes two hands to clap to make a sound, it takes two persons to agree to form a relationship, it takes two minds to think alike to be great, and it takes two hearts to beat as one to have another life on Earth. Congrats to Jedi! May there be more Lukes walking around carrying lightsabres and screaming: "May the Force be with you!".

Cuon's Colour's Parade... this should be my third year going for such a parade by Cuon Scout Unit. It was eye-opening especially with the addition of flags in the Unit. Of cos', going back to see people like Lynn, Mira and others are a plus plus point. Anyway parents came by often to ask me where was the toilets in the school, I was like... am I from that school? Anyway being a good friendly scout, I assisted them by giving them directions.

Anyway, Lynn! Stop trying to sleep while doing drills. Not cool eh especially if you fall face flat. Haha see Hippo and me are doing a good deed by making funny faces at you. In the end, I've got shot by my leaders for disturbing you. Haha

Anyway, I missed their campfire, which was kinda disappointing as it's the first time an internal campfire by Cuon is being opened to other scouters. It's super rare and I just have to miss this one time opportunity.

Ohh... I dropped by Changkat Eagles camp after which to retrieve my dearest canvas. Chat with several of the leaders, that I rarely see nowadays as well as getting to know some of them having to receive their scouting name officially and unofficially.

Anyway next time, if you managed to see Euodia, just call her... Playful Kitten. I don't know why they named her that but... anyway she'll be nicknamed as that.

Sometimes in life, as you walked down the path that you chose to walk, you may arrive at a split road. This split road doesn't intersect with each other and, in fact, goes to other places that you will not know at all. Be it making a decision to chose to give up love for this girl so as to go for another (which I had experience once, and it's freaking idiotic on my part) or giving up career for volunteerism.

Using probability, it's a 50-50 chance as you glance left and right to decide which path to take. As I thought that one left and would never return, she came back into my life all of a sudden. As I thought that I would try to go ahead with that little one, there are signs of reluctance. It's a sticky situation or am I just thinking too much? I should just withdraw from all, like before and be that loner I'm destined to be?

Anyway brotherhood and friendship. I knew these 3 guys from my Secondary school during my secondary 1 life. We were like buddies and cool friends. However, due to character clashes and a girl, we split up. I went my way, they went theirs. Today, as I looked back, I realised how foolish I was at times to break up friendship and only amended it back, bit by bit. Seeing their bond together makes me, wonder if all these didn't happen, would I be there with them now?

On the other hand, if I were with them, would I be able to attain the academic success that I had once? I read this storybook for 3 hours, yesterday at the library, while waiting for the ceremony. The book named: "the bleachers" by John Grisham was kinda cool and memories do flow. Being a top student in the past, would mean something in the past. When walking down those alleys to collect the certificates as well as to attain glory and pride, was a wonderful feeling. Down the road, it would just be memories and a name printed on the wall, no remembrance by anyone else.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... let memories be in the past.

So happy to see her message again. Well... I do not know how long this will last, however, I'll treasure each moment of those message we had with each other. It seems awkward, however, I hope that when we meet up face to face, we will not be too uncomfortable with each other. A special silly girl.

Anyway today was the last paper for my CFAS quiz. I was kinda tired from studying and watching anime from the night or morning before. I was kinda scare too, that the module leader would set a killer paper for us. However, the paper was rather tricky yet manageable. I'm glad God blessed me and guided me along this common test period, even though I didn't really study much for any of the papers.

I went to Cuon's homeland after which for the Singapore Youth Festival (SYF) training. It was kinda slow at first as coordinating different unit members an leaders. Although that little one wasn't there, the others were there. Anyway, I spotted future Patrol Leaders in their unit as young as Secondary 1... not that I am looking at girls, however some girls just stands out among the rest of the flock.

After which, I've met up with Wombat, Raging Bat, Talking Macaw and Russian Bear for dinner and drive around pasir ris, changi village, tanah merah, tampines and simei.

Free ride + brothers = One hell of a crazy time together!

Yeah, love is tough. When you want to say "I love You" yet fear rejection... it makes it more difficult. When an old flame appeared, it makes your heart beat twice and skip once... it makes it even more difficult. How can this be solve? What can be done?

Those words "thinking of you" seems so... distant. so far, so lost. I would really want to give it a try however, it depends on the other party.

Anyway love a-side, scouting to move on... lots of matters to settle before DPCC and SYF. Right, Waiman? Donuts! Donuts! Donuts! .... (too bad for Huda, only after camp...)

My eyes are closing as my libs are heavy. I wish I can be dead and rest forever. Or, should I be an undead via a vampire bite? Haha too much animation... I guess.Tired Tired Tired.... Boo

So long for my sleepless activity thus far... I guess I can't really take too much of it or else I'll end up sleeping in the train and in the buses. Then, I'll really end up somewhere I do not know at all.

Anyway I've got this words coming to me again today. It's after reading one of my God-Sister's blog about telling or not telling the person you love that you actually do love him or her. And it further questions about your decision if you would regret one day or maybe, it was a better choice not to say. It's sad but it's true as well. So many times, humans curse and swear and hate themselves for not doing things that they are suppose to do. It's about choice.

Then I thought and saw something today. Saying about love and hate. How long can someone love something or hate something? An example, humans like to confess their love to their love ones by saying: "I'll love you, forever and ever!". Or when a human is frustrated with another and says: "I hate you, forever!".

It's weird after a few minutes, hours, day or moment, things will change. From love to hate and hate to love. It's like a cycle. A vicious cycle.

I'm so happy and sad at the moment. I'm happy she messaged me about matters, yet sad or more like jealous when it was about how to date a guy. I can hear those heart-breaks and shatters from within. Haha, well, it's her life. I'm happy she still response somehow. I guess by her response and knowing that she is so happy with her life, it satisfy my soul. Haha sounds wrong though, however, it's true. Ask my God-Sister Ms Lum about it! She knows me best.

Love... it's a distance thing for me. Never knew how a woman's love felt like ... for so long. Even since she went... nothing came. Well, one day, I pray she will send someone that she believe will be suitable for me. With the approval from the Father, of coz.

What's next for me... to settle all matters that needs to be settled before moving on to my next stage in life. That's like how Wolf explained to me. People have to move on to the next stage after completing matters regarding to the current stage.

Anyway I need to see a doctor soon. Haha my left shoulder is hurting again. Woke up this morning and I can't lift it up. I think I slept on it for the whole night. It sucks to have such incapability. Then I thought, if it ain't gonna get better and is hindering in my life... I've got to chop it off. Similarly, that led me to think, what are matters in my life that are hindering me and pulling me back... Scouting? working at fishy and at the bank? studying? or what else...

Yeah and to that dearest girl scout lynn... It's never a regrettable thing to maintain a relationship with fellow friends. What's regrettable is to give up on the relationship. It's like saying I give up even before the match began. What's more worse in life for humans? to give up or to lose and know you tried?

One life, live it well.

Let's just say I broke my previous records of sleeping time in camp. Let's see... on friday, I arrived at camp at 12pm.

Participated in some minor activities as well as had a little time for revision. The leaders had a movie session together and after which, they knocked out practically all over the room. I had to shift out of the totally freezing air-conditioned room to the scout's den to do my revision for my Investment paper at around 1pm on Saturday. So, I studied and revise till around 8am before going home to had a nice cool bath before heading for school.

It was quite bad as I was trying very hard to stay awake in the train to school. Nearly fell down several times and during my last minute ditch to revise and cramp all the nonsense into my "already-loaded-to-the-maximum" brain... I nearly fell a sleep in the library.

Cleared my investment paper and headed back to school to assist in the pioneering projects by taking pictures. By then, it had already passed the 24 hrs mark for not having to sleep. I tried to sleep a few times, however the activities were just keeping me going. It wasn't until 12am on Sunday morning, that it passed the 36 hrs mark. I was really exhausted by then, and sleep whilst watching Iron Man.

On Sunday, when I woke up at 2pm to carry on my activities in camp till now, it had passed the 32 hrs mark. I was totally shag when I entered the examination hall for my treasury paper. I was writing half-way, while drifting in and out of my mind. Even during lunch with Ben, Ming and Mel, I was still drifting in and out. Even during the train trip back home. And finally upon reaching home, I packed my stuff... took out my law paper notes to revise and poof... I went for my bike practical. I was really reluctant to go for it as I do not seem to be physically capable of doing so. However, I just went ahead... I had a tough time trying to concentrate during the practical. In the end, it turned out well... I moved on to the next level. I was very happy about it! Yippie... haha

Anyway, during the whole day, one thing came back to me. The word that came into my mind was "Hunger". It wasn't hunger for food physically, although I do have to admit that I had been eating a lot. Just like lunch at Mr. Prata, I had honey prata, cheese and mushroom prata and a pair of boom prata with chocolate chips. I was like pigging out... woah

OK, back to "Hunger"... what I meant by this, was the hunger to obtain something in life or currently. For an example, I had a sudden urge or hunger to quickly clear my bike practical and obtain my license.

During my secondary school days, I remembered the 'hunger' to strive and be the best. To be the best in the school, to be the top student... thus I focus my energy, time and strength to achieve that goal. Fueled by the 'hunger' to attain more, I balanced my time in scouting and examinations.

However, today, I totally lost touch of that 'hunger' to do something important in life. The 'hunger' to overcome procrastination and laziness. So much had been out-of-touch that I forgot about the 'hunger' to be the best, the 'hunger' to strive to attain higher, the 'hunger' to challenge myself and many other areas in life, such as love relationship, friendship, scouting and others.

I'm ever more determined to do more now... no more procrastination, no more laziness... I want to be a wild beast again, with those instincts and hungriness to strike and defeat.

I'm not crazy nor am I losing it due to the lack of rest and sleep. I'm just wanting to give my best shot here. And at the end of the day, when I looked back in life, I could console myself, saying: "At least I tried my best"...

Congrats to all White Stag Scout and Leaders for the success of the June Training Camp. More can be improved, of cos'. However, I had fun! That's a definite. Next up, DPCC camp as well as SYF training... :)