Walking down the alleys of Orchard Road yesterday always seems to be a difficult task for me. The main reason would be the crowd that is bustling through and fro, stopping many a times to take pictures of the ever entertaining Christmas decorations. It's about a month to Christmas and everything seems ready for the celebration to go any moment.

Well, I enjoyed the company of my friends as well as the time spent together. Then I thought again as I travelled back home. In primary school, we had best friends and good friends and bad friends. In secondary school, as we grow older and become more emotionally attached, we had buddies and girlfriends and just friends. In the after-life of secondary school, you'll have buddies, girlfriends, friends, just classmates and just people who you just say hi to. Well, in working life, it just adds on to further classify your social grouping. How naive we are during our kiddish days, yet happy with each other, compared to how mature we think we are and discriminating people we see and know into so many different sub-groups in our lives. A simple life eh?

Yeap, some updates about my life:

1) Yeap, my sunburn is not painful anymore, but the skin is starting to peel. Ever seen a Marlin that shed it's skin?
2) Exams are coming and guess what?! I don't even know what I have been studying for the past 7 weeks. There is only bits and pieces, here and there in my mind.
3) My mind seems to be so tired these few days, I don't even understand why?! ... I haven't been thinking too much recently except for a few moments a day. Maybe it's just stress?! I don't know.

Yeap, that's should be all for my boring lifestyle.

I wanna walk down the same Orchard Road during Christmas with someone special, but I guess it would be impossible, coz the likelihood of the crowd killing me is higher compared to the chances of going out the person I had in mind.

However, whatever it is, anyone can be the someone special, as long as it he or she is straight, I'm okay with it. :) Maybe a PLTC Christmas Bash Party?...

I always thought how amusing it is to see how people are in a train. Thus far, I have witness some normal yet interesting types of people.

1. Those who are desperate for a seat to warm their ass off, and tries to find one to sit down like playing a game of American football, pushing people aside...
2. Those who faked to be tired and tries to pretend to sleep even thought someone else needs it more than they do. But if they are genuinely tired, it's okay to seat down and rest. It's better that way than to collapse while standing up.
3. Those who are able to stand up and rest all the way till their destination. I have been trying to master that as well, but most of the time, my knees will give way and I would nearly fall down.
4. Those who keeps on squeezing into the train despite knowing that the people in there are already packed like sardines.
5. Those mind-freaks that keeps walking up and down the train alleys non-stop or mindlessly shouting and scolding someone imaginary. Scary but I have experience it countless time. So I tend to prepare myself, just in case they freak out and attack, I can punch them first.

Well, generally, that sums up the type I see. Of coz' there are those good passengers that mind their steps and give up seats for people in need. I tend to feel embarrass when I am super tired and need to sit down to sleep for a few minutes and yet seeing an old lady or gentlemen standing in front of me. Worse if there is a woman with a child...

Well, I had been thinking about this weird question for today and yesterday. It's about settling down with the girl that is part of your life... a companion that will be your best friend and wife/ girlfriend.

Frankly, I am kinda disappointed with her answers to her life personally. It's not that I have any right to change her or to comment about her lifestyle. But, I can see that she is going down the road of achievements and sacrificing relationship. Hey, I'm supportive of you, if you believe that you are making the right choice.

But, about your self-worth compared to the pay you are earning ... I never expected that answer. I wanted to scold you yet can't bear to do so... I can only stand behind you secretly and support you if you ever fall back. Your self-worth is more than the mere dollars and cents you are earning. It's more than that definitely...

Been feeling sick too recently, it maybe due to the heat (after Sister's Island) and lack of water intake. Thus the 'fever package' was given to me. I know that I am healed in the name of the Father, and whatever I am experiencing now are 'lying symptoms'! Healing, healing, healing ...

Well, I guess the symptoms had also heighten my tension and anger... been feeling kinda moody recently, especially with all those nonsense that I have to face in my life such as e-mailing, calling and requesting help from my so-called 'brothers'! Have you forgotten about what we set out for?! I agree each of us have our personal life and different priority... but somethings need to be done too! Argh!

A new year is coming soon, thinking back what have I done for year 2007... haha it's kinda disappointing that I have delay some personal matters and felt that I haven't done much at all. Haha emo-ing with that thumb sucking move again.

Well, PLTC participants... when is the campfire committee gathering as well as the PLTC 2007 gathering going to be?

Just came back from Sister's Island!!

I would like to thank the leaders for inviting me as well as the Ventures for planning for the camp. I hope the boys enjoyed it as much as we do.

Well, generally, it was a break for me as well as some time to do my reflections as well as slack. Honestly, the bulk of the activity for me was swimming in the sea all day long and allowing the water insects to bite my body!! It's painful, but like what Jedi said, you'll grow to be a man to tolerate pain and other things else.

Most importantly, we had a new family member in the history of scouting names. He is from that day forth called Gibbon! Congrats and Welcome to the family once more!!

Well, I had been thinking about her most of the time during the camp, like how she is and what she might be doing now. Most importantly, whether if she is looking at the beautiful moon in the sky for the past two days. I don't know when I will let her go yet. Maybe when there is a better man that will take super good care of her, then will I rest assured and let her go. I don't know why I would keep on helping her always, it is just a part of me to keep me going, maybe? I don't know.

Other than her, I have been thinking about the future of the unit and the list of possible activities for next year's programme. Well, generally, I have a few in mind, but I just need the time and the number of participants to go for the activities!

Condition that I am facing now is ... LOBSTER RED MARLIN!! Yesh, I've got sunburn and it feels so hot.

Yeap, and I forgot to mentioned! I have been thinking of how my PLTC participants will be like next year, leading their units to greater heights! Yeap people like .... (drum roll please) ... I'm not going to say! It'll be bias if I say names! wahaha.

For me now, is to do up my projects and tutorials and my coming exams. And to rest more before I burn out again. I yearn for her to be by my side, lying next to me, looking into my eyes and say ...

This is the last day for the module on Understanding Relationship: Love and Sex. Wow, I can't believe how fast 6 weeks had past when I was still grumbling about the fact that I got to go through with the lessons. Well, as usual, there is always something interesting to learn and find out about in the module.

We watched a video about how couples will tend to look similar to each other when they are together for long. And that the more you're in love with your partner, the more you'll idealise him or her. This is quite through to a certain extent, as some relatives did mentioned to me once that she looked similar to me in certain ways. My mom and dad was commented the same way, when they are together.

After which, some scientist tried to explain why love is blind. He mentioned that when people are in love, their brain will be filled with "feel-good" chemicals which will suppress your critical thinking system. Therefore, it actually meant (to my opinion), you become dumb about your love one when you're hopelessly in love.

More importantly, the lesson talked about break ups between couples. I always have this mentality that if I ever were to break up with the girl, it would be my fault as I failed to fulfill my duties as a boyfriend. Don't ask me what duties there are, but there is bound to have certain aspect in the relationship that the boy needs to take care of. Therefore, when the relationship breaks down, it doesn't always have to be the partner at fault. It maybe due to the person itself such as habits and characters that doesn't click.

Most importantly, during the relationship, like I had always mentioned TO BE HONEST!! Some couples do not talk to each other honestly, due to the fear of rejection. Such that if you were to want to spend your time with your love one, and your love one told you that he or she hasn't have time for you. You'll definitely fee like shit, right? Thus, when problems arises, we lie so that our love ones will not feel the pain.
How many times, had I wanted to tell her to stop for a while to spend time with me, so that we can be alone, looking into each other's eyes and talk to each other face to face? How many times, had I wanted to tell her that I want her to be at my company? But why didn't I say it?!

Among all of the topics learnt so far, the most important that I felt in the relationship is doing 'repairs' so that the relationship and bond will not be stained and thus, to make the next communication a better one. It's definitely hard to praise someone that is in conflict to you. However, by repairing your conversation, would allow the conflict to scale down instead of escalating. Most couples do 'repairs', but unknowingly. Well think about it?!

Ultimately, I feel that I can understand human relationships a little better. However, when it comes more than a textbook. Your love for your partner determines how long you guys are going to be together.

Well, all the best and blessing for new couples and couples that maintain even in the greatest adversity.

I declare that PLTC 2007 is a success!!
Lets go into a little detail. Since the camp is over, I can leak out a few information for Hippo and others to know.

Day 1
Seriously, working the night before camp, as well as watching anime and packing my bag till 4 in the morning is not a good start for the First Day of the Camp. I was late for 1/2 an hour and thus, got a stern warning from Squirrel. Haha, I was like, shit, bad bad way to start the camp.

So I just carried on doing my work and got onto the bus. Bus ride was rather stressful too, as Brother Wolf and Crab was on the bus. Thus, I got to do a good job in keeping the Lunars going. A little warm-up here and there.

When we arrived at the Home of the Scouts, we quickly unload and started to proceed as plan.

Overall, the first day was hard for me to adjust as there were several difficulties that I faced.

1. A wide range of characters and huge difference in skills level among the Lunars.
2. A few stubborn Lunars that need their asses kicked before they start moving.
3. A lot of restless Lunars that seem to forgot why they are at the camp.

It was tough, especially for punishments due to the mixture of junior brothers and sisters, but what has to be done, has to be done after all.

Day 2
Morning PT was be taken by Squirrel, thus I get to have an extra few minutes of sleep. I was quickly burning out already due to the series of meetings that I have to attend. Firstly, the PLC meeting, then, the Camp Staff meeting, White Stag meeting and SandS Rover meeting. It only ended around 3 plus in the morning. After which, Hippo and I took a walk down to the campsite to check on our beloved Solars and Lunars. All sleeping like logs and pigs!

Well, I abandon camp with Hippo and Jedi for an hour to recce the back alley of the campsite so that we can bring the Solars and Lunars to the outback. This is indeed a once in a lifetime experience for all of them as they had to walked through mud, forest trails, streams and a mini-waterfall. All those smiling faces, just made me energetic again. Well, what keeps me going is those kids, their enthu-ness and smiles...

Campfire night was a huge success mostly, despite it wasn't really reaching my expectation yet. But I hope those kids get to learn something from the campfire. The cubs were entertaining with their skits as always. Really hope that everyone enjoyed themselves. I was really happy to see this particular Lunar that took her first step forward and enjoyed herself. It's really a joyous occasion to see people you took effort to groom and take care of, to do things that will take you by surprise. The night was the same as usual, with meetings and interviews. I knocked out a few times during the interview. I tried my best to stay awake most of the time though.

Day 3
The last day have arrived, the day to decide whether these kids get to complete the course or they will fail their course. Well, I didn't really told them my criteria for passing the course as I do not want them to work towards the criteria only. Therefore, the criteria was easy.

1. To take the first step forward to Choose to Lead
2. To have that attitude in Scouting to Lead
3. To have initiative
4. To learn to work together as Brothers and Sisters.
5. To do their best

I have to admit that I did have some thoughts of failing some people and also to give some people extra credit for their outstanding leadership. I shall not name them as there are some participants who will be reading my entries.

I just pray that these kids one day, would be useful citizens for the country and for the international scouting movement. After all, they are the leaders of tomorrow! The next generation that will bring the district to the next level and be the face of scouting in Singapore.

I did feel sad though, when I leave the school. Cause no one came to say thank you or good bye to me... Sob Sob. Damn it lah. Never mind, after all, I'm only a Marlin!

Starting of the camp in just a few more hours... I am feeling scare as well as worried that whatever Hippo, Squirrel and me had planned for the past few months will not be carried out as smooth.

Let's just pray and have faith in Him, for he will provide, not only for the minimum, but more than abundant.

Happy Birthday to my dearest Mei Mei (a.k.a god-sister).

Yeap, today is the birthday of someone special in my life. A non blood-related 'family' member. Well, today was just a simple dinner with her, SnOw mei mei and her boyfriend. We went to 'teen' restaurant at Bugis and walked around at Bugis Junction. Thus, as SnOw and her boyfriend wanted to have some time of their own, they left and thus, Mei mei and I went to Pasir Ris.

I decided to send her home as I wanted to visit her family as well, since I have not done that for about 2 years in a row. As usual, lots of greeting and smiling from her grandparents and mom. We chatted about my life as well as theirs and when Mei's second sister came home. She offered me the birthday cake that she specially baked for Mei. It was very good for a first timer, and she was feeding me again and again. We also have wine together before it was time to go home.

Feeling down as usual, especially after telling my Mei about my life. A never-ending torture for me to do so, every single time someone asked me about it. Well, it's just part and parcel of life. I just hope that one day, she'll realise it somehow, that there might me someone standing there... supporting and caring for her.

How to know what I am feeling?

Here are some examples I can think of when I am feeling and what I might do:

Happy - smiling all the way and with a radiance of glow around me!
Sad - what some people call 'black face' or a stoning face.
Afraid - looking around non-stop and lots of movement
Angry - ultra 'black face' and maybe you'll be able to see smoke forming above my head. But most of the time, I'll just curse and swear non-stop.
In love - hmmm a tough one, but most of the time, I'll just keep very quiet and maybe trying to have that 'watching by the fence' approach first.
Shy or embarrass - my face would most likely go red a little and avoid eye contact with that person.
Blur or confused - it will spell all over my face, most of the time.
No bothered - most of the time, I'll just close my eyes.
Focus - most of the time, I'll look very fierce as though humans have offended me. But it's just me concentrating!
Playful - I'll get 'high' and start to talk nonsense and smile a lot.
Irritating - I'll generally piss people off, as I will just keep on pestering them over and over again.

So if you see me doing things that I have listed up there, the probability that I am feeling that way is true. But occasionally, I've to put on false smiles to cover up my emotions. After all, when you work in a service line, you have to hide your emotions well to avoid customers from misinterpreting your actions and words.

Generally, these days, besides changes in me, I'm feeling blur due to lack of information that I am obtaining regarding my studies. It seems like I have not been keeping track of the online quizzes and project datelines. Hopefully, I'll be able to follow up soon or else... I'll be lagging behind the other students.

Moreover, I would like to thank 3 ladies for keeping me comforted and been caring for me during this period of time. A clue for the 3 ladies starting with (in no particular order) F, G, S. Thank you for your cares and concerns, I'm fine now (I hope so). Just need a little more time to recover bit by bit. I'm still waiting though, for that one person (Y I Love You beiNg your owNself)

Proud being a ...

So what are you, my friends proud being of? There are hundreds of possibilities that you can put or substitute into that phrase. But how committed are you in saying that? I had friends or maybe some strangers laughing and mocking me for doing this and that in life. Such as my passion and my religion. However, I always think, what do they do in life actually and are they proud of it?

Yes, I am a scout and I am proud of it. I sweat and shed blood for the scouting movement in Singapore for a couple of years now. Of cause, compared to the veterans, I am still a long way from them. However, I'm proud that I have been involve and serving this movement ever since I took the Promise and Law. People always have the mentally that scouts are for gays and are for sissy. (I used to think that way too!) But when they finally realise that scouts are learners, thinkers and doers, they will beg to differ in their opinion. Two men I know recently was chatting with me. One of them was laughing and mocking me about scouting and when his friend told him that it isn't true of what he said. He asked why. I was quite impress that his friend had an honest and truthful opinion about guys with scouting background in army. He told the other guy straight, that these guys survive better and are more skillful in rope works and survival traps than any other ordinary men that entered army. I take that as a compliment and thank him for it.

Yes, I'm a Christian, although I am not like those who goes to Church and meetings very often. I am still proud of being the child of God and being part of his kingdom and family. Yeah, I do agree that people do joke about praying to God for this and that. But they never realise the power of prayer. I have witness it by seeing myself escape from dangers as well as simple stuff like examination results.

I have spoken to this lady a while ago. A tough-nut and love-able at times (who isn't love-able in this World eh?!). She mentioned about their previous boyfriends to me and was telling me about certain personal stuff about them (I shall not disclose). Well, it made me think about when in a relationship, how will the couple feel about each other in front of their friends? I hate to say this, but I always feel that as friends, we should support our friend that is in love with that person. However at the same time, protect our friend from getting hurt (beside love sick and break-ups). NOT!!!! tell them that their love one is not fit for them and that they shouldn't carry on the relationship cause you two don't seem to fit.

SCREW those who are out there spoiling relationships! I mean yeah, if you meant well that the person is taking advantage of your friend or making use of your friend, go ahead and tell your friend. But the choice still lies with your friend! If first impression of the partner of your friend isn't good, why not see him or her over time as who they really are and then re-consider about your impression for him or her. First impression are not 100% accurate all the time. Do not make judgement based on first impression (although I have to admit, I do most of the time to avoid trouble or backlash).

Thus, ask yourself today, what are you proud being as and if you're attached, are you proud of having him or her, your partner?

It's been a week of adjustments for me. Adjusting back to my workplace, adjusting my social lifestyle, adjusting my study methods, adjusting my feelings, thoughts, words and deed. I felt uncomfortable, however, I find it necessary to adjust my life again. It maybe due to changes in priorities again, especially when a huge chunk of my life is missing.

I have not been able to really go and think about other matters, as datelines of projects and reports are coming nearer and nearer. Moreover, I've been drowning myself with lots of work to do to take my mind off some other matters.

A lady asked me to re-look into my priorities by looking at (what she deem as significant questions) 2 questions. Namely,
1) Reasons why you want to go back?
2) Reasons why you should let go?
Well, I didn't really go and think about it, but I don't know whether I should either.

Have you ever felt that your conscience is preventing you from going after another aim or target in life? I always do, and it sucks big time to feel that way. But I am glad it stays at times, especially when it comes to making the right decisions and preventing me from being led astray. But most of the time, it hurts like crazy.

School has not been very much interesting besides going for tutorials, lectures and gym. Moreover, as students, we have to work hard, study smart and use our brain juices to do home works and revisions for our examinations. Ganbatte Ganbatte!

Life is kinda emo these days as I have been seeing other people being emo also. If possible, I would like to help these people, however, there is also a limit to my abilities. Thus I always ask them to refer to the Father. He is always reliable and there is NOTHING that He can't do.

Something has been bothering me for a long time. It's not that I do not have confidence in myself (but most of the time, no...), however it's the way I present myself as a 'leader' to educate and discipline the boys. I'm honestly ignorant to parent's complain and such. But I find it increasing difficult to tell the boys their bad points directly without having the feeling that this very boy may misrepresent and misinterpret the meaning to their parents and I get shit out of it. I mean, as 'educators', we are to teach the leaders and human resources of tomorrow about values and attitude and such. However, as each generation moves on, people tend to seem 'uneducated' (in a way). Code of conduct such as values instilled (loyalty, honesty, passion, courageous and etc) are not as common seen!
I pray to God, that whatever I did to the boys and other juniors under my command would turn out to be something meaningful as well as educating.

I greatly appreciate those friends that hear me out as well as friends who accept me for who I am (despite me not knowing who I really am). For those who I offended before, sorry to say, if I have apologise to you, we are at quits. for those who I didn't even apologise, that shows how hack-care I am!

To the one and only, I still do, and very much. I can't let it go yet and I doubt I will. I don't know how long more I can take this pain, but there seems to be no other sensible way for me to move on. It hurts to imagine about the negative things that you might be doing now, but I can't help but keep it to myself.

There will be major changes in my life soon. I can feel it, but time and place and when it actually comes, I leave it up to HIM.

Guess the time now that I am writing the entry? It may sound crazy but it's freaking 4:40 in the morning. Just ended my tutorial homework and I thought I was supposedly to feel drain and drowned by my workload, however it seems that my thoughts of her is never-ending. Although I want to think it as an endless torture to my mind and body, it never seems to be that case. She always appear to be as who she was. I'm not bullshitting here, but it's sounds meaningless even if I say it now. Will she notice or hear it? I don't know.

Work was great only with some usual odd customers that never seems to be satisfy with things such as waiting! I know... who likes to wait anyway? But can't you just wait for a moment of time to just allow us to serve you? Haha fine fine, I shall not complain.

My body has been aching due to work and gym. That's the only way I can think of to tired myself so that I would just go and sleep and stop thinking of unnecessary thoughts. But, like I have said, it never ends.

I had a meeting with the PLTC Campfire Committee members. Well, most of them are in a blur, I don't blame them as I did not specifically tell them what to do. Well, objective was simple; to experience the planning and executing of the campfire programme together. They have less than a week to plan and prepare and execute the programme. I am trusting the Father that HE will guide me and them well in this.

Updates on my life:

1) I have not started on any practical lesson on my bike and car yet due to time constraint as well as cash flow problems.
2) I have yet to properly study for my modules due to my procrastinating characteristic.
3) I am still trying to adjust back to working at the workplace. It's difficult but worth the try if something turns out good from it.

Yeap, that's more or less of it.

Hey, when is 5N1 chalet?
Hey, when is a poly gathering for everyone?
Hey, when is peace coming to Earth?
Hey, when are you coming back to me? I'll be waiting
Hey, when is anyone going to read my blog that most assume is dead by now and comment on the tag board?

Well, these past few days after the PLTC Seminar has been hectic for me. There seems to be a never-ending workload to be completed as well as lots of worrying about things not getting done (the way I want it to be). But well, life is filled with uncertainty, you got to learn to cope with it (of coz, it's without the PPF curve and opportunity cost calculation and stuff).

Nothing much has been happening in my life so far, except for working in the kitchen again (I just love to learn how to do things a different way, like cooking). And school is as per normal. I tried drowning (coz I'm Marlin) myself with lots of work and doing work-outs to clear my mind off. However, it seems to always come back again and again. Perhaps, I related my daily life with her too much.

As most of my classmates are eagerly excited about the Industrial Training Programme (ITP), they have seek the course advisor many times to see what jobs are good and high paying. Well, the course advisor did introduced us one, which is related to Citiphone banking. From my understanding, its related to customer-service hot line for customers to call up and enquire about problems or questions. However, the spaces were limited for that particular job. Thus, the course advisor did a mini-test for the applicants to see if they have the qualities to engage in that job.

Thus the calling begins, and of course, when one of our classmates got her call, we would know that our turn is soon to come. Apparently, some of those who were anxious of not getting a spot within that particular limited amount of space, went to look for her when they didn't received her calls. Yeap, they got in eventually, however the problem started to occur. Due to their 'enthu-ness', they forgot or so, to include a friend who was initially the first batch to request for the job. Thus a mini face-off began. I do not know if the problem is solved or is still on-going. But it did taught us some lessons here.

For friend or for money? Which is more important? It's the same as the earlier entry on Self Esteem leading to ... , whereby humans would have to either choose between relationships or achievements or balance them both. Simply, from that particular incident, when it comes to an important matter for us, sometimes, humans will either become selfish or self-less. It depends on the situation and stuff, but maybe, just maybe if humans can just slow down and think of the consequences of their action first, things wouldn't turn ugly after all.

Call me over-reacting or over-sensitive or stupid and childish. However, if those are bad consequences and if they can be avoided, why not? Why go through the trouble of experiencing a few moments of excitement and joy, and experience a broken friendship and trust? Life isn't all about gaining what you want! To gain what you want is simple, as you are working for yourself and your own personal gain. However providing for others, that's a challenge. How many people can actually forgo their own personal gains and pass it on to others? How many people can actually let go of their ego and pride to serve others, willingly?

If there is one thing, that is important to me, that's friendship and relationship. I got to admit that I suck at both, but I treasure them a lot. It's just so happen that I normally keep to myself, which makes people think that I'm easily social-able. It's okay, as long as our friendship stays, I'll be glad.

Money and jobs comes and goes easily. Friendship and trust between each other takes a long time to re-build once it's broken. And if two lovers are able to remain as good or best friends after breaking up, it leads to 2 possibilities. One, which is that they never love each other as lovers at all. Two, one of them is still trying to provide his or her best for the other person.

Building

It's Sunday, thus it's family day for me. I thought it would be bad actually to go to the beach and cycle or skate. However, it wasn't that bad after all. We had fun and I got to learn to skate properly again. Well, if I remembered correctly, the last time that I skated was like last year or so. That was another family cum cousins outing to skate and enjoy ourselves. I've decided, I'll buy one pair for myself to practice when I got the time and money, which although it seems not possible to do so with the current lifestyle that I'm living.

Well, back to the family activity, we happened to pass-by an event whereby family gathers to build sand castles together. It's really a joy to see them work hard together to play and work just to build a sand castle that never really last long.

Right spank in the middle was a gigantic sand castle built by TJC, I do not know when they build it, but it was nice and arty. While circling around the 'art', a thought struck my mind. It was about how we are part of the kingdom of God and how we are going to build that kingdom up. Then another thought came about, how we as humans, build our lives up day after day. Well, I do not have that answer, but it's worth trying to think about it and wonder, what are we really working and building our lives for in this World?

Here are the pictures taken:

When I first received the holy spirit and to speak in tongues (that was one of the happiest moment of my life), my Care-group Leader (CGL) messaged me a verse that she thought it might help me to understand and meditate on. It goes as, Jude 1:10 "Beloved, building (repairing, construct a building) yourselves up on your MOST holy faith, PRAYING IN THE SPIRIT, keep yourselves in the love of God." Thus, after all those thoughts and questions, it came to the verse that my CGL sent me a long time ago. Thanks Daddy God for this moment!

To all my friends, I'm back to the the Fisherians! So do drop by and visit when you are free. Happy Sunday and Enjoy!

Well, it's evening now and I'm still in school. It seems stupid, but the reason for staying back is to charge my laptop as I am writing now. This is just in case that I might need it when I visit Pasir Ris Park later. Yeap, I'm going there alone! Just to do some exploring and checking out of places for the event tomorrow, that is taking place there.

I felt weird today. I don't know why, but at one point of time during lesson... I suddenly flare up and was kind of pissed of with some of my classmates. But luckily, I was able to pull back and calm down again. What's wrong with me today anyway? Maybe it's just bad hair day or mood swings. Haha sounds very much like some of the girls I know in my life.

Anyway, projects have not been moving very quickly and is taking a slow pace. The study mood has not really sink into me yet and even though I seem to understand, when I tried explaining to my friends, I'll be the confused one instead.

Been thinking of her a lot. Like how she is doing, what she is doing and who she is with? Haha I'm not paranoid, just concern that's all. Love can be super high when the feelings come strong and super duper low when the feelings fades away. That's part of a relationship and maybe the law of nature... "live with it, bro."

Finally, I'm back at my workplace again! Erm, just going back to help out and to try to push everyone to be the benchmark in service among the rest. Come on guys! We're already the benchmark for cleanliness as well as cohesiveness. So let's be the best again. I'm praying hard that when I goes back there, there will be a purpose for me again beside my own personal aim. I pray that the Father will make me useful and to show his grace and mercy to the other staff.

Just not long ago, two members from the school's Christian Society (C.S) came to talk to me about believing in God. They asked me several questions such as:

C.S. members: "If this is your last moment in your life, do you know where you'll be going or where you'll go to?

Me: "Yes! Heaven."

C.S. members: "Based on?..."

Me: "The Grace of God and my faith in Him."

They had the shocked expression on their faces. I was like, are you surprise that I can answer it or do you not know about this? Well, ultimately, I hope the message gets sent across to them if they do not know the answer to salvation.

Well, just chilling out a little longer before going off to the squeezy trains from West to East. Take care friends!

Self Esteem leading to ...

Early early morning trip to school again for the lesson on Understanding Relationship: Love and Sex. Only did I know today, that the module is about Love and Sex, I always thought that the module is just on understanding relationship on general terms.

So today's first major activity (which I guessed correctly) was Speed Dating. We had a round to try and feel how it is like to get to know the lady or gentleman within the time frame of 3 minutes. I tried my best to talk as much as possible, relating topics to school matters as well as friends that we know. However, it didn't really help much. 10 ladies and 10 gentleman (including me) were involved. Each will rate the other person from the scale of 1 to 10, whereby 1 representing totally hopeless and 10 representing "hot stuff"!! Well, I'm glad most girls are kind of lenient to me giving me at least 6 and above. SO I've got 82/100 which is a surprise to me. For those who know me, I seldom talk and speed dating is like the worst ever kind of dating for me. I will be totally shy and quiet.

Well, next up, we saw a documentary on the science of attraction, whereby scientists around the world try to predict how couples are matched or attracted to each other base on science. This includes, facial expression, dressing, perception and stuff like this, to predict if both strangers will be attracted to each other during the speed dating programme. Well their theory obvious failed as the participants' reaction and results were not as per predicted by the scientist. However, one fact stays. Guys likes to go after woman with a decent amount of 'busty-ness' and a lower hip to waist ratio. Apparently, a woman who has a lower hip to waist ratio is said to be more fertile.

Next, we continued watching the movie 'Before Sunrise' again. It's really an interesting show!

Well, the lesson of today shows that 'Self-esteem leads either to achievements or relationship.' And most of the time, in order to have great achievement in this World, relationships are often neglected. It's like a trade-off between the two. However, I find it ideal to balance both to satisfy your self-esteem on achievements as well as on relationship. Achievements makes you feel good that you are able to do things and people will look up to you, however relationship gives you that comfort, security and love that makes you feel love by someone. Sadly for me, I suck at both. Achievements wise, I am only average, relationships wise, needless to say a dozen times...

I just pray that the Father will lead me the way to achieve in His name and have a healthy and fruitful relationship with the one I love. Time to be spiritually high on my self-esteem.

Yes, I'm smart
Yes, I'm good looking and favoured by others
Yes, I'm able to do things to glory Him
Yes, I can do IT!