27 June 2008

I'm showing signs of misbehaviour and disrespect again, I guess. Maybe it's my way of telling that I do not care who calls the shot anymore. I would rather do things my way to ensure that the kids are happy and proud of their effort done. Maybe due to conflict of objectives and responsibilities, that resulted in the different methods of handling.

Perhaps, I'm wearing down again. Lack of sleep... (an excuse I normally tell others).

I tried to hide my signs of irritation and lame-ness, however at times, it just came out naturally due to the actions by others. I would serious considering 'colding' and 'hardening' my emotions even more to prevent such facial expression or actions... it doesn't really reflect well on the others as well as on myself, I guess.

I was really happy to see Sista at the SYF parade today. She had put on much weight and is really looking more and more like an oba-san! Haha kidding. She's still a sister I would love and care for. But clear your pimples first and shed some spare tyres. Haha. Anyway your other friend looks cute. Wahaha.

Okay, later would be the main event. After which, I wonder how this event serves any purpose in bonding the kids together. Knowing how Tampines District is run (barely actually), I'm quite sure that when all else ends, the kids have made many more friends in their scouting life as well as brothers and sisters. Jokes and lame-ness aside...

I pray that later will be a success!! Yeap yeap.

Anyway back to my life... satisfaction from seeing my brothers falling in love. Weird but true. I'm not gay... haha but it's really satisfying to see others being happy. I don't know why, but it's in me since some time ago. I can't really remember why I made that self-principle up.

My dad asked me recently about childhood activities and places that I was brought to. I couldn't remember and he commented: "You can't remember your own childhood... do you have a childhood a not?" I take it as a wake up call for me to stop blocking out things and remembering more things for now so that I wouldn't lose my memories again. I tried to really think about the childhood memories... I can't remember much actually. I wonder why.

Anyway, it's time to do some reflecting about my life again. Reflection my actions, my decisions made, my future plans from now on. I got to think of how my career path will be like and when I would like to get married (provided if I find a suitable partner - someone scouty?! haha kidding). Anyway no rush to r/s? I rather not hurt others at times, but most of the time, I guess I unknowingly will. Am I really trying to rush into a r/s now? I do not know

I would like to ask myself that if I liked this girl, why? Is it just pure crush, infatuation, a temporary feeling. Will the r/s last long? Will we be happy together or just gonna 'fight' each time we meet? All these plays a part as I would normally place that girl as part of my life. Someone that I would depend on and she would depend on me. However being independent as well. It's complicated for me...

I'm driven!

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