After reading a lady's blog entry, I guess she was talking to me, ain't that right? hehe, Yeah our 'suicide' date will be soon I hope. :)

Anyway, things have been bumpy for me these few days. I guess I am just lacking sleep and rest for my body again. But like I said again, life is short... we have only 24 hrs a day to spend. Imagine me gone from the face of this Earth, at the next minute, hour, day or month?

Besides that, things that I was hoping to turn out smoothly, have not been turning out as expected. I pray that whatever happens, things will go through smoothly. It does feel shitty to have your intended programme change again and again. However, if it is for the better, why not? However, if it is causing more inconvenience, I wonder why...

Well, I have been enlighten again by some seniors just a few moments ago. It ain't about achievement or awards or status... it's the want or drive to do something for the society. To train scouts to be better citizens for the local and global community. That's what they reminded me again. Sometimes, I do agree that I maybe too eager to see my boys achieve and often neglected the true purpose of me coming back to the unit. I guess I need such reminders often to keep me on track...

Well, I met up with my Aunt recently, she was asking me about Church and stuff. However, I was honest with her and told her I have not been going back for quite some time. She was kinda disappointed actually, however she gave me an illustration of working hard. Given that there is a lift and a flight of stairs to be taken up to the 100th storey, which will you choose?

My answer was initially stairs, maybe because I normally take the harder route to do things. I like to challenge people or myself that I can do things by myself and through my own effort.

She, then, told me that the stairs does represent your own effort in doing things to reach the 100th storey. While the lift is God, being there for you to bring you up to reach the 100th storey. The underlying meaning behind this illustration is that God is always there for you to bring you where you are as long as you seek HIM first. He never neglects you, He never abandons you. Most of all, He loves and cares for you so much that He protects you from any harm.

Ain't that a wonderful Father?

Anyway, this maybe the reason why I have been falling ill and burning out rapidly. I can't imagine that within one week, I forgot about his existence in helping me and guiding me. The unbelievable part was that the week before my attachment, I was having my examinations, where I trusted and rely on Him for my studies. How can this possibly be?

Anyway, I feel foolish liking a girl... Not lady yet... but girl. I mean, I don't know if it is rebound love or what kinda shitty theoretical love sickness story. But the simple thing is, I like her. That's all. Well, I am going to leave this to God again.

Oh yeah, just to agree with some of my other brothers. The one thing I hate to hear is this ,when a girl tells another guy, "I have been treating you only as a brother that ... ...". Don't ask me why I dislike this phrase when the rejection syndrome comes. I prefer the more straight-forward answer though. The truth always stings, but whatever it is, it's it better than lies?

22th March 2008, Overnight hike at Bukit Timah. Anyone interested to accompany? I know Mas is still out there though, who knows if we might be the one catching him instead?

Day two of my attachment...

Well, I do not know how to explain about the atmosphere at work. It seems so still and dead during the teaching period. I guess we were just trying to be serious and listen to the supervisor.

Honestly, the lecture about the functions of Credit Cards and stuff are interesting. However, sitting at a particular location for 8 hrs to listen and absorb in all the details. Even if I do understand to a certain extent, it can be mentally draining. It feels like my brain juice has been squeezed dry after each day.

Fine, I shall not complain and be glad that the Father had place me there to learn something new. However, I do pray that the ladies, that I am accompanying, would bond together more. I am an anti-social person when going out with those girls, I guess. I speak a few words and stopped, until they ask me another question for me to speak again. I admit, I don't talk much.

Well, I want to love someone, but I do not know which path to take. Haha, my schedule is going to be fully packed again as I plan to resume some of my long over-due courses in my Bike and Car practical. After which, I plan to take up sign language courses as well as drums lessons.

I am resuming my swimming schedule, at least once a week. Well, it is really a skill to swim in a public swimming complex and evade those who are going in the same direction as you, as well as, those who are heading towards you. Thus far, I have not been kicked or punched by anyone. I didn't get the chance to do so too... Such an angel!

I am also resuming my fitness training... running after work around my house area. Doing arms and legs exercises to build up my body. What else? I just want to look nice. Hehe then maybe I'll have a long queue of girls... so that I can take my pick. (haha just joking)

Hey Huda, update your blog!!
Hey PLTC peeps, an outing together? During the June holidays, for a BBQ?
Hey Rovers, an overnight camp like old times?
Hey Leaders, an overnight hike together?
Hey Hey Hey...

Such random-ness for today's entry. Well, I guess my body engine is dying out bit by bit... It needs rest I guess. Hope I wish that as I lay down, the girl beside me is someone I hope to be with. Regardless of age and race... but sex of cos' it's a FEMALE. As she lay on my body and I put my hands around her, to feel the warm... (any other stuff are all underage for posting, haha kidding).

Yeap, anyone that is bored, do message me! I'll be there to try to reply you and entertain you as you entertain me. Take care peeps.

Hey, rock your body check 1, 2.

Come on, come on, step it up, step it up!! A 1, 2, 3, 4, move it.

Well, dance... It allows the dancer show-case how he or she feels about the music. Interpretation of the music, that's how some professionals would call it. I do not know about music, I do not know about dancing... if ever someone ask me to take up dance, I would shy away definitely. Come on, I was laughing at my brother that he took up dance-sport when he first started out. However, I am supporting his decision also. Sounds contradicting? Not really.

In life, that's how we are suppose to do I guess? To be true to yourself, to interpret about your life and groove to it. Very much, we wear a mask over our face and begin the day with that expression and outlook. Some are true to themselves, and act as who they are. (most of the time, they are being out-cast by the "right-thinking" society). While others, act along with the norm and hide their true being. And over time, they begin to lose their identity and forget who they are and what they are suppose to be. And a small minority (like me), do not know what we are here for and what to do about it. So we just act and act like a soup opera series with black and white screening.

I challenge about the norms and rules and regulations set by the "right-thinking" society. Those who claim that this and that should not be done due to ethnical reasons. Yeah, to protect human rights, to protect the religion, to protect the young ad innocent and to protect many many many other things in life. Humans are bound by rules and regulations, and many of those are implied.

The bible does state lots of rules and regulations (Law of Moses) and what is to be done and not to be done. The Quran has stated lots of rules and regulations as well. The Chinese scriptures in the temples, does have lots of rules and regulations too.

All these rules and regulations by the religious bodies, are meant to govern our lives and to allow humans to live the right way. But what exactly is the right way of life? How do you know that it is the right way of life?

Let's play a game, shall we? The game's name is Who Says What?

Who says that we can't date with ladies that do not have same or close age gaps as us?
Who says that guys cannot dance?
Who says humans are not suppose to act like animals?
Who says we can't do this or that?

The list can go on and on. And sometimes, the reason would be, it will be weird. Others will out-cast you. Others will not like it. Others think that it is not right. Who are the Others? What do you think you are in? A Lost drama series? "Beware of the others..."

Yeap, if it is based on your own principles that you do not do certain stuff, follow it. You can advise people and convince them why you feel that way. But not impose onto them your principles. This is because the principles you are following are accepted by your own soul and defines who you are. It doesn't mean that it will be used to define everyone around you.

The Father creates everyone to be different one way or another. And today, that differences is bring pointed out. Instead of unifying with the differences that God gave us, Humans out-cast and condemn each other for it. I am also a human, I do take part in such a senseless game of life, at times (knowingly or unknowingly). But that doesn't mean I pleasure from it.

Therefore, I would ask myself so many times... "What is my existence for?" and "Does my existence brings about a better change for others in life, or a hindrance?" ... Life is such a complicated game for Humans to play with... It is just a thing to live and be happy about it.

What a day to being with, in the morning. I remembered once when I told a teacher, in my Secondary School, that whatever the outcome of the student is, it reflects about the teacher. Thus, a good teacher will bring about good students... however, ceteris paribus. What I found out today during my meeting, was definitely a blow to me. It can be demoralizing to a certain extent. I was hoping that the scouts will turn out to be better than before after the D-Camp. So much for hoping, I guess?

Well, when I thought my days will be more relaxed during the work attachment, I guess Scou Ting never really leaves me whenever and wherever I go. She has been a part of my daily life already.

I can't go on ... I am just losing it...

The last paper has finally been completed. I smell the freedom that I have long awaited when I exit the examinations hall. However, the feeling was only short-lived as I begin smelling the horrors of my upcoming attachment. Well, some may call me lucky or whatever so, 1 guy with 6 girls. How much can I ask for? However, I still get nervous when going out with so many girls.

Well, after the examinations, 2 of my buddies decided to meet up for "coffee" and some talking session. This time, topics were rather sensitive, however I feel that all 3 of us did out best to be as honest as possible. After all, we are brothers for about 9 years now.

Is waiting for a person worthwhile? I do not know. What I pray for whenever I decide to wait for a particular person, is that the outcome of the relationship regardless if it is short-lived or long-term, will end up well. Sometimes, things do not go our way, but there is always trying. How long can I wait for the person? I do not know either. Maybe as long as my heart decides to wait? Maybe as long as the passion is still burning like a blue flame?

I used to laugh at one of my brothers, when they woo a girl that is younger than them. Looking back, as well as listening to the theory given by Jedi. I realised, there isn't much a matter of age gap that is a barrier in a relationship. His theory was that, as guys have to serve the nation (NS time), the girls who are of the same age would have proceed to the university or the working force. Thus, they (the girls) would meet guys that are older naturally. Similar, guys will meet girls that are younger than them.

I am not saying that guys and girls of the same age cannot last through a relationship. I am only theorizing about the situation. So, it wouldn't be surprising to see older guys dating younger girls. Those guys that completed their nation service, would encounter the same situation when they meet girls that are younger than them in university (generally). Thus the pattern is set.

This may seem random to most people. Anyway who cares if you date an older lady or younger lady? There'll always be people bad-mouthing and condemning on you. As long as you love the person, what else matters? Rules changes, cultures evolved, but as long as the love stay strong, it can overcomes.

For me, I'm willing to give it a try. To date someone new, someone unexpected... but am I ready for it? I do not know unit I try it out. There is no such thing as a confirm situation or relationship until you try it out. I guess I slip by too many chances if there were any for me. This time, I would treasure it.

I kinda understand why some arranged marriage are successful. It may seem that the parents forced upon their children to marry a selected partner, that they deem fitting for their child. However, if the couple is open and willing to believe that their relationship can work out, they will enjoy each other's company. And maybe, love will soon blossom. Ain't that a happy ending? I do not know.

So many things to think about... so many factors to weigh. If only the right one could appear and be there for me, as I would for her... ain't that great?

Happy Founder's Day to all Scouting Brothers and Sisters in the WORLD! Yeap, listen up to all who is hearing me! It is to the World and not to Singapore only. The brotherhood and sisterhood of Scouting is a global movement!

Happy Thinking Day to my Guides sisters in the World too! Yeap, Girl Guides. Our beloved sisters.

14 more hours to the beginning of my last and final paper for my Year 2 in Poly! I feel so tired and drained from all the studying, packing tons of information into my already maxing out memory card and my flesh that seems to withstand all the pain and exhaustion. I thank God that he made me this way, so as to last through such trials in my life.

Well, I do have to say this. Whatever I am typing next, is a history and a lesson to be learnt but not practice in real life. Times have changed and whatever methods in the past may not be applicable for today.

During my younger days in Scouting, which is just a few years back. I was really an asshole, that's what I can call myself during those days. I never liked to be punish (who likes it anyway?), nor do I like to follow instructions properly. I always do what I felt it was right for myself and my members. However, often neglecting the fact that different people have different abilities. I never believe in giving up so easily, thus I always pushed my members to their limit. Some did break through, while others crumble and fall.

Imagine planning a meeting with what we had intended to do, yet finding out that the seniors have come back and changed it all over again. Instead of we running the show, they took over and ran it. How does it feel?

So many times, it has happened. Yet out of respect and seniority, we gave in. Till where there are times, we just gave up planning and wait for the seniors to come and run the show for us. Till we nearly gave up Scouting due to the fact that we are just meaningless robots (that's what Pris told me, I still remember that since that day).

Thus, as I grew up and reflect on my actions... I grew to realise that there must be a stop to this. There must be a way to do something about it. I've got to believe in my scouts that they can do it. I've got to believe that they are able to do something by their own even if there isn't guidance provided.

What I want to say is this. Believe in your scouts, believe in the men that you are leading. Only then, will they believe in themselves to make things happen. As long as you stop believing in them, they will never believe in themselves as well as you.

A leader, in my opinion, is to be able to lead, inspire and believe in your members. You do not have to be multi-talented nor well-verse in your studies. As long as you believe... that's all it matters.

Well, this Founder's Day, I hope to see a revoluntion that will change Scouting in Singapore. A revoluntion that will bring about future leaders of tomorrow. A revoluntion that follows the Scouting fundamentals and principes. A revoluntion of brotherly and sisterly love through Scouting.

Among us, Scouts and Girl Guides, we are meant to work together for the greater good of things. We are meant to be the future of the community. We are meant to love each other as our neighbours and not hate each other like enemies.

As long as there is a Scout, there will be a Girl Guide somewhere, somehow.

There used to be a saying that "Ignorance is bliss", well, I do have to agree sometimes that this is true. Sometimes to prevent from people to curse at your back or to say negative things such as "You're poking too much into other people's business" or "You think you know a lot, is it?". It sucks, right?

Well, when it comes to knowing things that benefits and allow you to help others and things that you know and doesn't add value to your life and instead makes you a target for people to talk about, there is a fine thin red line to it.

Well, my role now doing (what my buddies in White Stag calls) a 'skirt' job, is not easy at times. Haha no worries, I am not complaining, just stating the facts. I enjoy the job, it is very challenging to listen and write down as much important information during meetings. Moreover, it is a tough job to be engage in public relations with other adults. Well, I'll take it as a training for me to converse with the adults easily next time when I faced them in the working society.

Back to the topic, as a 'skirt' person, sometimes being a curious person... you would like to know what goes around the job and how things function as such. Moreover, if you have links with other units or maybe in the working society, it's call departments. You would be interested to know how they are doing and how to help them. However, sometimes, doing such actions would instead causes unhappiness. Like I always say, different units have different cultures. Let them be, as there is a reason for their culture to be this way. That makes each unit different from each other.

Ok, the Founder's day message is out. Kinda meaningful in some ways. However, whatever it is, as Scouts (modern or traditional), we have to remember our roots (meaning where you came from). I always tell my scouts and brothers or sisters in scouting that, no matter where you go and how much you want to change the fact; Once a scout, always a scout. It is like an irreversible process of transformation when you are investiture into Scouting.

I remembered during my interview for Outstanding Scouts Award 2004, one of the leaders questioned me about Scouting. My replied to that question on "how do you find Scouting?'" was "At first, I thought it was for Sissy.... (long story after that)." Well, I was being honest. I always hear about Scouts being Sissy in Primary School. So I didn't find Scouting interesting. Even my primary school friends had a shock when they found out I was in Scouting. They will go, "Wah, you sure you are in Scouting... you don't look that sort of person...". Sad, right?

Ask me now about Scouting. I will say that it is very much in me now. Like one of the HQ leaders mentioned before, if you look at my blood cells through the scope, you will find the words "Scouting" on each blood cell. Ain't that powerful?

Well, seeing each generation come and go as better citizens in the community is the best thing that I am looking forward to. Although, as I go older, the generation gap between the new intakes and me is getting wider. I'll still try my best to guide them into leaders of tomorrow. Ain't that what leaders suppose to do? To bring about new leaders to succeed them and carry on the traditions...

So, young ones out there. I'll be watching over you guys .... ... and girls. :)

I've been reading emotional blogs these days (including my own). I wonder where all the happiness have gone to, in this tiny puny planet called Earth?

Relationships broken up, fights with parents, girlfriends, boyfriends, dogs, cats, mouse...

Random-ness.

Well, in the midst of the examinations and things are only starting to get interesting.

I got to say, when others tell me that they are ready for the examination papers and prepared to do well. I've got to say, damn you are so wrong! Liars! ok ok that sound too harsh... What I meant was, there is no such thing as ready for the examination papers. You can be prepared to enter that room of horror with confidence, but sometimes things just happen. You saw something unexpected, freak-out, and goes blank. Then bye-bye for you and your confidence and all those bulls about being ready.

Today was one hell of a day for me. I woke up late (suppose to be 11:30am but turned out to be 12:15pm), rushed to school without eating my breakfast and lunch and went into my examination room. My stomach was growling like a wolf trying to attack its prey. And it wasn't growling softly, it was literally loud. I was like "Oh no, if someone hears it... I will just have to take my face off and step it on the ground!!"

Let's flash back, few hours before my examination paper, I was watching videos in You-tube and searching for my all-time boy band superstar .... (drum roll) Backstreet Boys (applause!!).

Well. I was just basically taking things easy and cool. I know my Father is there with me in everything I do... but yet, today I panicked and I guess, I can call this a screw-up paper. I thought how things are going to be like if I flunk this paper. There is no such thing as a sub-paper or retest or whatever so. Once the paper is given, it is final and the result will only be known in a couple of months time. Woah, I can't wait for that.

Ok! although Valentine Day is over... I've got a song that my seniors taught me. I was planning to use it on a girl before, but gave up that idea, kinda kinky though.

Here it goes:
I asked my girl to take a walk
To take a walk down Orchard Road
We passed Mandarin and Centrepoint
We had our lunch at McDonalds
We had fillet and apple pie
We share a cup of lemon lime
I held her hands and look into her eyes
And ask her be my Valentine.

Well, I think that's how guys woo girls in the past. These days, if a guy does that in McDonalds, I think he would be slap in the face a million times. (haha ok, that's a joke...).

I just realised something, especially after chatting with this lady. Well, she mentioned that I looked confident during the examinations through-out. I've got to say, like I mentioned, I panicked and was in a lost as I was practically doing the papers in parts. As in, for each question, I would answer as much as possible, if I can't answer it, I skipped and move on till the end of the paper. In investment, maybe that's what they call diversification and then earning from all there. Same logic, only thing is that, this is diversification of marks instead of money.

OK back to my topic, I was quite surprise by her comment. Then I thought, I seem to sense that she is more calm and confident than me during the examinations, instead of the other way round. I was fidgeting a lot and dropping my pens on the table and such. I mean, who else can portray me in such an image, beside the Father. Yeap yeap!

Anyway one of my fishy friends, Min, was talking to me on Valentine's Day during our working break (Man! I am working for couples to enjoy their lovely time!!). He asked, "Why never go out with your date and celebrate Valentine's Day together?" I was like, you got to be joking, me a date... who would want?

Then he mentioned, "Aiya, maybe is because got girls like you but you make them wait too long, so they move on..." I, then, begin to think who will the girls be? ... Well, I never thought of anyone (that's being honest). I was like, I can barely hold a conversation with a normal girl (exlcuding my God-sisters and Hippo), what's more?

Well, to all the female marlins-to-be... Just open your mouth to ask! Haha, I wouldn't bite, do I? or maybe what I feel is right, there isn't any after all... (I pray that's not the case eh).

Will you be my Marlinspike? or Marlin-something? or something-Marlin? ....

Time flies real fast. This is definitely the end of fun time for most people, and it's time to go back to reality, such as working, studying for examinations, slogging somewhere somehow. Well, thank you for making my day to those who did.

Another movie, besides Coyote Ugly, that I love to watch is The Replacement. It's about a group of Ex-footballers (not soccer), being called back to form a team as replacement. Their main goal is to play like there is no tomorrow and win the match. Well, I do love such shows that shows teamwork through fun activity. It just reminds me of how scouting should be like.

Well, one word that I learnt in that movie, is Quicksand. Well, basically, the meaning behind "Quicksand" is a situation whereby one event goes wrong, and the next goes wrong as well, and the next and the next. No matter how hard you try to fight it out, it still goes wrong. And you start to sink deeper and deeper and finally you stopped breathing. Well, I have to say, I do feel that I face such situation daily.

Call me a crowd or a hermit. I do not take much risk although my Sista once commented that I am a reckless boy that doesn't care about the risk and consequences when doing things. I hope to be that boy again. There is one life that I am living only. I got to live it to it's greatest satisfaction. However, the life that I am living now is just to do 'right'. But to me, it just feels wrong, totally wrong.

Surely, my friends can see me in a very confused state of mind at the moment. I don't know what to do with my life. I have been just living each day as it pass and just waiting for what God intents. I fear that my actions, words and thoughts will cause mistakes that I do not bear to see. I fear that these mistakes will affect other people. I fear that these mistakes will haunt me forever. I can see that others do feel the same... some others ...

Well, to many whom I neglected in the past, I am sorry. To those who I will neglect in the future, I am sorry too. To those who are hurt by my words, actions and thoughts, I am sorry. To those who continually suffer from my nonsense, I am glad you didn't die from it yet.

I'm gonna change. I''m gonna be a better person. I'm gonna be more daring. I'm gonna take risks. I'm gonna be that man with the boy in me. I'm gonna be that young Marlin again. Screw those who disrespect me. Screw those who hate me. Screw those who doesn't listen to me.

I can be your friend and brother. However, I can be your enemy too. Choose and decide quick. Before I will disappear in your life instead.

Entering into the third day of the Chinese New Year season soon, so how is the day gonna be like? I don't know, but definitely, it will be a day filled with abundance of grace...

Well, I've been thinking, Marlins are lone creatures. Very much a loner, most of the time. Thus, at certain point of time, I begin to wonder... how do they communicate with other creatures or maybe even the ones that they mate with? Haha, I do feel that Stingray was right about asking us to research about the animals more to understand why we are given such a scouting name. Thus far I only know that the reason for giving me that name was because of it's quick temper and the vengeful attitude. So it seems...

It seems that this Chinese New Year is just another un-entertaining one for me. Yawn I am so bored. Someone entertain me!!

What am I thinking now? A girl
What do I feel like doing now? Going to the beach to enjoy the atmostphere
What do I feel like giving up now? My thoughts

Bored-ed, bored-ed, bored-ed....

Happy Chinese New Year to All.

Well, I will definitely not be blogging about shopping trips or the joy of collecting as many red packets as possible. To me, its just another day for me to spend my life, of cos' with the company of my relatives and love oneS.

Ask me why am I still awake?! Haha well, I just completed Great Teacher Onizuka Japanse Drama Series and Movie. Yeah, I know I am seriously lagging behind and stuff. But isn't it still as enjoyable to see it and remind you of certain memories. Hey I watched, erm, Coyote Ugly about 10 times. Lol.

How does Great Teacher Marlin shows like? Or Great Leader Marlin?... Wahaha. Well, I just realise that although the entire drama series maybe just a scripted show. However, certain principles can be applicable in real life. This is especially true for the closeness between teachers and students. Why draw a line so fine between students and teachers? Of cos' there is the respect part between students and teachers, however. other than that, they can be friends as well. Ain't that right?

I have been telling my scouts that we are all brothers in the name of scouting, the only difference is that as a leader and senior, that makes me an older brother instead. I have been thinking, besides pumping, running and giving physical training, what other methods can I make this scouts remember lessons and stuff. Ain't simple eh?

Well, for this problem, I will work on my image again... Less fierce looks, less unfriendly approach and more cool and handsome and hip approach. Woah Hoo! So expect to see me doing my 'V' sign to you more often. Yeap, no worries, I'll try to polish up my conversational skills with guys and ladies (especially). Throw me with a lady that I barely know, the conversation either last for a minute or there will not be one at all. But things will change and I will throw all these problems to HIM, of cos'. Ain't gonna let it worry me!

So, one and a half week to the major exams and I am still slacking. Woah, gonna be a week of sleep-less nights again. You'll see an undead Marlin floating around soon enough. Or maybe, I may not even last through the exams. :) Life is short ... wahaha sounds like some suicidal note. This is my death note. *twist*.

Ok, just in case some of my buddies from 5N1 decided to pop by to view my blog... There will be a Reunion Meeting on the 29th of Feb 2008. Meeting place would be at a BBQ in Pasir Ris Park. We expect full attendance, lol. I've dig up the attendance list from 2005. So I will be marking attendance there. :) or maybe I will ask the class representative to do it instead.

Well, I have one mission now in Scou Ting. To produce as many little miracles as possible. Not out of wed-lock, but out of pure educational and fun loving ways. :P. Lets make this year a great time!! Class begins...

Being yourself? How do I do that? ...

Isn't it funny when I tell people to be yourself and yet sometimes I find it hard to do so?

Well, as a leader, I have to uphold the image of being a responsible and caring and blah blah blah person... the list does go on and on. However, I have to admit, I am actually wearing a mask over to portray that I am a leader. However, deep in me, I do really want to join in the fun, kick some asses and get wild! Wahaha...

For those who participated in PLTC 07', you would have notice how eager I was to participate in the challenge valley. However, as duty calls, I got to ensure safety and make sure the programme runs smoothly. So too bad then ...

Being myself is not hide my thoughts and feelings and ways of life. I do show them to people at times, however, image image image... Haiz. Sometimes, when I feel that you should do this and that (knowing that it is bad at times), I got to white lie saying that you shouldn't and you should be doing the 'right' things.

So many restriction and social norms to abide to. It can be tiring sometimes ... I've decided, I shall be as honest as possible, in a tactful way of cos'. What is there to be so 'holy' and 'text-book' when human relationship with each other cannot be comprehend by mere words and description? Honesty seems to be far away thing in this modern society... it seems that people likes to hear things that satisfy their ears even though they know it is a lie. Why?!

When I was still a boy, I wouldn't give a hoot of what people think about me. I would just do things my way and then stick by it. However, due to image, I've got to think how will others view me, before taking actions or making decisions. I still do scold f*ck in front of people, I still am very rebellious, I still am going against authority... however, of cos' I try to lessen all these due to ... IMAGE!! WTH

Well, I chatted with a lady asking why can't people be close to 100% honest to others ?(there is no 100% honesty, I believe). Well, her answer was that sometimes, being 100% honest will cause you to go against your conscience, worse if it complicate matters. Humans are such delicate and weird creatures. They take the truth as something negative. She added that telling the truth can be selfish at times. The reason was that you get to lift your burden from your shoulders, yet at the expense of making someone else miserable. Well, ultimately, what I can think of is a vicious cycle of passing the misery around from one person to another...

Talk about global environmental crisis, there will be someone who will say, "Where got! There are still trees around!". An Inconvenient truth indeed.

I always thought that lying, would get me out of trouble. Well it does most of the time, however as I grow older (man, I am old now...), I realise that being honest to yourself is more satisfying. That satisfaction gained is much more worthwhile than to lie and get scot-free. Of cos' the I will have to face the music and sing to it... but the music does stop somehow, right?

Well, a public apology to Hippo. I sure get you into deeper sh"t I guess. But whatever I said (even if I didn't really do it), was from the bottom of my heart and to my principles. I'm waiting for that opportunity to do it too. I just got to wait for the right time. At least, there is a God that you can cast your problems to and instead of worrying if it ever gets solve. You can rest your mind and see the problems solved right in front of your eyes.

When is the time when you are honest and get hurt the most?

Well, for me is in relationship. I fear rejection like mad... literally, I would rather confirm that the girl likes me before I tell her about my feelings. It really sucks when you want to be honest and tell the girl that you are interested in her, and get rejected (even if it is in a nice way). Well, no worries, I am learning to cope with rejection also. :) I am imagining that I have the rejection stamp on my forehead now ... Wahaha, that would be interesting.

YOU HAVE BEEN REJECTED!

Life is a breeze now for me, nothing to worry much, except for certain matters. I have been trusting on God for my exams and tests for about 4 years now, ever since my N level period. And for these 4 years, HE never fails to amaze me. :)

Well, not to bore you guys anymore. Let's get started to make the World a better place to live in!

Oh oh... I've got another nice and entertaining show to watch after Witch Yoo Hee. Well, I know I am kinda out-dated, however, I have been watching GTO Japanese drama series for about a few hours now.

Well, I have not started studying yet, and my major papers are about less than 2 weeks away. Ain't that great?!

Haha, ok, basically, I got attracted to how this punk teacher who interacts with kids that are labelled as "difficult students". I got to admit, I was once a difficult student with a huge ego too. But since then, I have learnt about humility and shame.

Honestly, I've got to admit, there are many times I would love to resort to the acts such as threatening and showing how it feels like to do something bad, so that he or she will wake up their bloody ideas. But as an educator (what some scout leaders think that we are), and a citizen of the lawful Singapore... what else can I do?

Well, on my way to dinner, I thought of my dad caning me. Funny and random things to think about, however, I realise that kids these days, don't get cane or punish harshly for their mistakes. Thus, they got that addition courage to rebel, to disrespect and to show off that they can do all these and getting away scot-free. I don't encourage caning cos' I hated it also. However, whenever a mistake is done and a punishment is not meted out.. I would find that I will try to do it again. If the next time, there isn't any punishment, I would continue doing it again and again. Isn't that how trouble always starts?

So when I asked one of my boys about how he felt the camp was... he readily admitted: "Cannot play play with the leaders". Well, I asked what he meant by those words. And he replied, if the leaders say to pump for 40 times, they really mean what they say. I was glad that he knows that what we said, we mean it and stick to it. For a start, I can't have growing kids to be so disrespectful towards their peers and seniors. I can't say that I am very respectful to most people, however, I do keep my peace with them as much as possible.

I respect those who learn to respect me first. That's my principle. For those who disrespect me, I will not only disrespect them, but make life miserable for them. Mark my words.

If no one is going to punish these kids and make them learn about moral values, I will do the job even if they are going to hate me for doing so. I will let them learn that if you know how to be morally upright and ethnical, you will not have suffered all those punishment.

No more Mr. Nice Marlin when it comes to morally ethnical principles. Of cos' when it's time to play and hang out, Mr. Nice Marlin will appear again. Who likes a leader who is all about discipline and extremely morally upright anyway?

After a tiring and mentally challenging D-camp, I hope that the boys did really bring back something about what is it to be a White Stag as well as what discipline is. I've got to admit, I am not always familiar with the unit culture, when I was a scout, I thought that it was to have fun and play. However, now that I am a leader, I think back. Yes! It's about having fun and enjoying all the activities, however the underlying meaning of it, is to experience personal development and understanding to self.

It may sounds like some welfare talk or those people who preach about upgrading your skills and self... but, that's what being a White Stag Leader is. To accept all kinds of scouts and train and guide them to be better citizens of Singapore and the World. I've got to personally thank Ferret for enlightening me on this point.

Well, now that I made my point on discipline and unit culture across to all the senior boys in the unit, on behalf of the leaders. From this day, any mistakes amount to be punish, the boys will get punish.

Simple acts of kindness to yourselves, your peers, your leaders and your environment are always missing in the society today. This brings me back to the topic of "Gracious Singapore". Yeap, I got to agree on this mentality that as a person gets educated, he or she is suppose to be able to think more and to be more gracious and kind to others. However, generally, it seems otherwise. As a person becomes richer, he or she is suppose to respect and be understanding to others. However, generally, it seems otherwise.

This is not discriminating anyone or group or thing. However, when we first started out, people are "force" to treasure our lives and things surrounding us. Times were bad and there wasn't much development. Hard labour was seen every where. However as time passes, we developed to a Global city, people forgotten about basic values and moral ethnical. Instead of treasuring humanity, we treasure monies. Instead of caring for our environment, we treasure more about our well-being. From selfless creatures to selfish creatures, what more can we do to turn into gracious being?

People always wonder why I return my thanks even though it was suppose to be the opposite party doing so. Well, I've got to say thanks for remembering that I am here for you to ask for help. What is worse, to know that you are there for someone and yet he or she doesn't relate to you when in times of need, or to not know that you are there for someone and he or she relates to you when there is a need to do so?

Well, a brother of mine, Macaw was talking to me, on my way home. He asked if I have any interest in any girls at the moment. Well, of cos', I have interest in girls, what else can I have interest in... boys? (I'll use my marlin's sword to poke you if you think that way). Back to topic, I was quite hestitant to say out the who she was and such. However, to be interested in someone and to have like someone is two different matters in fact. I can be interested but eventually not like that person, get what I mean.

So yeap, as usual, brothers first, girls second. I wanted to avoid that question. However, when he told me about being open and all those stuff. I guess, it was time to get tell him, since he already told me who he was interested in anyway. Now that I think back, why I do not really say out girls that I have interest in or like to my brothers is because, I don't know if they like them as well. Simple reason, I rather let go that girl, then to spoil that brotherhood we had for a long time. I mean you can call me stupid or what. However, think about this, if someone is willing to give up a brotherhood so easily, can he do the same to the relationship with the girl? Call me old fashion or conservative, I am a man with principles to follow. I stick to those principles. However, I wouldn't say that these principles are fixed. They are dynamic with time as well, however for relationship or achievement, I still do choose relationship.

As uncertainty is a great barrier to most people in life, taking a step forward in a relationship is never an easy thing for me. After all, I always asked, "Am I ready for it?" and "What is it to keep us together as a couple?"...

Smiling with a "V' sign to the face.