A wake is a solemn event that people should respect. Well, I had just attended a wake of a relative just a few hours ago. It was heart-breaking to see people crying and mourning about the passing of their love one. I have to agree that the pain will be there for a long long time, maybe till you pass on too.

This will be the 13th year to pass, and the events of her passing is still etched clearly on my mind. It never left and will always continue to remind me to treasure families and friends as much as possible in every little way.

I am not the sort to accompany families or friends to a great extent or show my love through physical or tangible means. I just do it mentally and through intangible means. I know it should silly, but that's how I would rather show that I care and remember you.

Well, to lighten the mood. The following names are of no meaning to anyone but just a series of interesting thoughts for desperate measures to people that lacks of a relationship I guess. Here it goes ...

For those who wants to know about my long-time girlfriend, her name is Scou Ting. Well, she has been with me since I entered Secondary school. A loyal, fun, loving and sometimes can be irresistible too.

However, I want to contact back to this girl that I know, whose name is Wan Ting. She is always cheerful and smiley... never fail to show her sunshine smile to others. But she seems lost now...

The most stressful relationship I have now is with Schoo Ling. She's very demanding and hard to handle. Imagine seeing her everyday and listening to her orders on the list of endless assignments that I got to complete for her... With her, my life just shortens each day.

The most reliable and my own personal relations girlfriend is Blog Ging. Well, now I am with her right now. I can tell her almost nothing to let others know about me. But she knows, she has been keeping me connected to my friends. Love her so much.

Well, I got to say that sometimes what Wolf said was correct. When a man says that he is going to do something, he must try his best to do it. It's like honoring his word. Even the simplest thing counts! Missy once told me about NATO ... I was thinking isn't NATO an organisation. She was saying "nope, NATO means NO ACTION, TALK ONLY". It fits the meaning to just shooting words and suggestions one after another, however when the time comes ... nothing tangible or physical is done.

All great ideas needs a first step of doing something to achieve the results. If you don't take the first step, the ideas will just be a dream that never comes true.

I've got to say, my priorities in life now is neither here nor there. I want things, yet withhold my thoughts. Maybe I am just too lazy or procrastinating around too long ...

I want to have a taste of balancing my social life, scouting life, work life, school life, family life and personal life.

I want to have a filled-pack and entertaining day to day life.

I want to be there as much as possible for my friends, buddy, brothers and sisters and family.

I know that my current schedule now, will definitely kill me someday. I rather lead a happy and fulfilling short life, then to endure a long life that has no meaning to me. This is the same for relationship, I seek a fulfilling, loving and happy relationship that when all else fails in the relationship, both of us will continue to protect and love each other. The time is not the factor, the value of the relationship is.

Emo-ing with the thumb-sucking move again!!

The Father just works wonders in your life ever more. Guess what?! Today was an important presentation for our group on E-commerce and website designing. Well, for the past few days, the configuration and connection were having problems. The group had seek help from several lecturers, however it was futile. Even in the morning, we were still facing some problems and the Tutor wasn't really please about it. Moreover, she was having high expectation from the group. So I was kinda emo, haha, yeap emo! So I went out of class with my NutriSoy (dark blue!! My Fave.) and whisper a prayer to God. The prayer was to blessed the class as well as the group of the problems we were facing.

In the end, not only was the problem solved (thanks to the IT Whizz), the presentation was simple and sweet. We passed the presentation! WooHoo. Thank God, and really thank HIM.

Well, yesterday was one hell of a night! I got to admit that I am kinda freak-out what I had just experienced. Haha NO, its not SEX!

Exploring places and seeing whats real compared to just reading situations and experience off the magazine or newspaper, is always what I want to do and always will be doing. That's scouting for me, a skill hone to be observant about the nature and react to the situation.

So, I went down with Crab to have a couple of drinks. Initially, I was just drinking ice milk tea and I thought we will just chat up and asked him several questions. Some of which are like, how do you talk to girls so smoothly and well? What do you talk about? How did you do it? I admit, I suck at talking to girls face to face. I will choke! haha

Let me see, I talked to girls on scouting, work and school. What else? ....

To continue, we met up with his friend, The Doctor!, haha... thats what I'll call him. Awesome guy, interesting hobbies as well. So after drinking two bottles of beer, I was feeling a little 'full' and at the same time, they decided to check out the Drags around Changi V. So I tagged along and had a good laugh with all the chat and stuff.

Then, Crab suggested to go down to see some real ladies... haha, so we went down to the infamous red-blink blink district. Initially, I thought we will be just driving around in the car to have a look past the window. However, when the car was stopped and parked. I know that we are going to explore by foot. Well, I got to admit, if in terms of efficiency in movement and timing, they will definitely beat my scouts flat! They are so fast in movement, of cos' when it was time to evade the cops.

Well, what I saw and what I read maybe similar to each other, however, the experience was totally different. I got to admit that some girls are off-the-chart while others are way below. However, they are who they are, by choice or not... For those illegal gamblers, what do I have to say? They have their traditions over there! Haha

Man, the worst part was when a lady tried to pick me up, by holding my arm and rubbing my stomach area. Seriously, if I didn't brush her off and she kept doing that. In a split second, I would have puke on her totally. I was so 'full' from the ice milk tea and two bottles of beer.

Well, for those guys that are totally desperate for a quickie, that's a place for you. That place is a crowd though, people roaming around either picking up on those girls or crossing by to another place to eat or just like me, seeing and experiencing the thrill of unchartered territories.

Next pit-stop for me... to the jungles! Then I may really get lost in there, just like how Gorilla Jie imagine that...

Have you ever feel like just retaliating against your parents when they scold you or other people who put words against you? Man... do those feelings suck big time, right?

Well, I'm ain't no Saint anyway, just human. I had many fights with my dad, and many a times, I do really want to fight it out with him (physically, mentally and verbally). I know that if you beat your parents, you will get strike by lightning... however, these urges just came naturally. Well, of cos' I didn't move or answer much as usual. Out of respect, Out of love and Out of his sacrifices for the family. I will just keep mute.

I do not tell him my problems such as school workload or scouting or stuff. The main reason is that I do not want him to worry for me. So I tend to do things my own and praying that one day, he will realise that I am settling matters by myself as an ADULT! Yeah, I do agree with his angry-ness about having too little rest and not sleeping enough, claiming that I am always watching movie online each night. Well, these movies keep me entertain as I do my work. Something like a short break... it's tiring to keep up with just about an average of 4 hours sleep a day. However, I've only got one life and I want to live it to the fullest. 24 hours, 20 hours of packed action! How about that for life?!.

However, those who really shout, scream, yell, beat and do other things to their parents, I condone their actions as irresponsible children and idiotic too. I mean, your parents raise you up, how much more can you ask for?

The route in life is chosen why your own though. Trust in your own abilities and be confident about it. I know this girl who has many piercings, however her morale confidence is low. Even when presenting, she would be nervous when she can actually be a natural speaker or presenter. I'm not praising her excessively or whatever so. But she got a talent in that area!

Well, I know that another virus (Chikungunya fever) is being spread around by our little pesty insects. So take care my friends!!

It's Friday already! But it's not the end of the week yet. Weekend doesn't start for me until after meetings on Saturdays. Sad? Not really actually.

Well, I been bothered by certain habits of mine. This is especially so towards people who are hard to crack and at times just finding excuses to evade the situation. Well, it does irritates me sometimes, thus I would speech and express myself as an aggressive person instead of just being my usual self.

I got to admit, this tactic is not very friendly and is a double-edge sword. It can backfire most of the time, if not handled with care. How do I speak to these people who just procrastinate and not even willing to try? My former teacher once asked me, "Will you drop your limbs, if you try to ask and answer questions?, will you drop your hairs, if you even just try?" Well, unless some terrorist is holding you an knife-point or gun-point, it would be a totally different story then.

I am seriously burning out badly. One major symptom is whereby I would drift into space if I were to sit too long at a spot. I am usually very attentive to my surrounding, especially spotting people from a far. However, recently, I am lacking in that area as I would drift into space and blank out for a couple of seconds. Another symptom is the pain from the chest as well as from the head. It sucks to wake up and your head feels like an elephant had sat on it for the night. While your chest feels like an alien is coming out of it (too much alien species shows...!!).

Time is short, so is Life. Whenever people were to comment about me to go and die, I would reply that if I die, then I die lor! What is there to fear besides not being by the side of God after death? A day in heaven is incomparable to a thousand day on Earth. I can't wait!

Lots of randomness coming out of me now. I'm not EMO-ing, mind you. I'm just tired, and needs a long long rest. A long rest under his wings and refuge. Anyway it's Mr Thong's birthday today! For those who knows him, Wish him Happy Birthday!

Sometimes, when you select a thing to do in life. You may not know what you are trying to learn or what you are looking for in that particular subject or event (sometimes). Well, I did find out why I am studying Intercultural Communication today, after attending 5 weeks of lessons though.

Well, one of the lesson captures my attention was Geert Hofstede's research. Well, his primary research is on culture differences, thus he came up with the Hofstede's Five Dimensions. The Hofstede's Five Dimensions encompasses the type, characteristics as well as behaviour of the general people of different culture. I shall not go into detail about it or else ... it will bore you all. However, the reason why it captures my interest was about knowing more about people. And it does make it practical when you try to think of people that feel that particular behaviour or character or sort.

Well, Ngee Ann Polytechnic Open House officially begins today! Nothing interesting for me though, as lessons are as per normal and that I just realised! I am experiencing deja vu. Woah. I have never been to the latest gathering for all Business Students, OurSpace@72. However, I felt that I have been here and typing. Scary! (and randomness). Yeap, for those O levels students, come and visit me! haha kidding.

I feel so happy suddenly. I'm, finally talking to Pufferfish! Woah, I do miss her a lot. My best friend, competitor... erm, no lover, or boyfriend... haha but the best thing is this... I was thinking of God, asking HIM to bless her and another friend. And there she is. Pop out and talking to me. Haha so cool. I just pray that the other friend... she'll contact once more.

It's really a damning feeling to stop contacting someone whom you want to contact for so long. And when that @#$32 mei mei contacted her, she replied instantly! WTF WTH ... Saddening.

One event after another, I was taken aback many a times. But honestly, just like what Melody commented. HE is always there for me. Let's say for an example. Presentation-wise, I would always whisper a quick prayer for him to favour me in front of the examiner as well as allow the right words to flow. Definitely, I would include all my classmates in that prayer too.

While I was working, I received a surprise message from Stefy. It was a real relief and somewhat brings a smile to my face (after a long and tiring day). Well, congrats to Lynnie, Mira, Alisaaaaa, and Stefy, for their achievement in attaining their Patrol Leaders role in Cuon. Seriously, I am still surprise that Kookaburra made this decision. However, I guess that these girls worked hard to prove themselves as Patrol Leaders of Cuon.

This is also, what I called an example from God. I remembered praying that those who went through the PLTC, would be leaders of tomorrow. And guess what? Some of which has already become. I'm awaiting for more good news from the other units. LUNAR ROCKS! haha Solar ok ok :P!

Well, I got to start killing my heart slowly. From what she wrote, I can definitely feel that she had made her decision. I said I will respect it, yet was hesitant about it. (Someone shoot me!) I guess, the lack of sleep and brain damage from all the thinking (Scouts, School, Work, Life and Inspiration!) has finally taken its toll. Chest pains and headaches are more often these days. It feels that my Chest may collapse in one day. That's why I said my road will be short. Not that I am emotional or insane, however I have that feeling since young. :)

Hmm, I love to hear when people tell me that they have a calling for something that they are destine to do. They will be out of words, whenever I asked them to explain to me. However, I can feel that joy and awesomeness. I'm still waiting for my calling, though. Haha patience patience ...

Randomness.

Have you ever heard of a term called "Rebound relationship or love"? Well, it was my first time hearing such a phrase too. This is especially so, when the explanation of its meaning, is what I feared the most if I were to enter into a relationship now. It doesn't matter new or old girls (No boys!! I'm straight!!).

Well, what can I say? I waited and waited. I don't know what I am waiting for. Yet, whenever I felt that there is an opportunity somewhere somehow, I am afraid to take that step forward to acknowledge it. The fear or rejection is one fear that many many people fear the most. Rejection can in the all types of form, in all types of situation. As long as you get rejected, it doesn't feel good (honestly, the feeling sucks a lot).

I have to say though, my younger image during Secondary school, must have deter people from coming close to me and to befriend me. Even my junior that I spoke to, she agreed that I have the image of a serious, stern and no-nonsense kinda guy. And when she heard me crap and talking nonsense, she wasn't used to it.

Of cos', during Poly life, I'm glad that I'm more open to matters and became a more crappy person. :) Another step for me to climb and be a better and more social person.

Several things came up to me today. Well, I can't exactly say it is very good nor bad.

Well, generally, those who reads my blog... I can understand a hard time trying to understand what I am trying to say or mean. However, just a word of cautious... there is always an underlying meaning to some sentences, depending on how you interpret it. Let's just say, it's a habit of mine... to not explain fully. It makes you think, if you want to. So, if you think it is kinda offensive sort of remark, maybe read a few more times to see the connection or maybe think of questions like, if it's not you, then its me or vice versa.

Anyway, I've been talking about being yourself and stuff. I just realise, most people are facing identity crisis. What do I mean? Well, it's like asking yourselves questions such as, "Who are I really?", "What is in me?" or "Is this who I really am?". Those kind of question that makes you think of the actions you took and the words that you said, in the past. Well, I do face such questions frequently, however most of the times, it is just thoughts to keep me moving to be a better person each day.

After an outing with Crab and his friends, as well as relentlessly trying to improve my communication with other people, I got to change the way I talk and response. I got to admit that when it comes to being alone with most people, I would keep very quiet and do my own stuff. It's not that I don't like that person or what, however, it's me trying to think of how to talk. Even, juniors as well as some peers will find me weird if I talked a lot suddenly. Man, I got to break away from that image they had, when they first met me. What image you may think? Feedback so far are that, he is cold, fierce-looking, very quiet, cool (as in quiet coolness...) and stuff that makes people think that I am trying to act cool? Haha I don't know

So yeap, I need to brush up on that part of life, or else there wouldn't be any dates or outings. It sucks to think that if I go out with this girl, how am I going to communicate with her? Talking about work? about scouts? about what? Then, finally, I would convince myself that I can't go out with her or whoever that is, or else it would be a boring outing.

Anyway, not trying to be Aunty Anne or whatever you call to answer problems that people faced. However to Low, I don't believe in the phrase of "if old friends don't go, how can new friends come?". What I believe in is that old friends are meant to be treasured and remembered, while new friends would be friends that will eventually become old friends finally.

To Stephy Summerburn, I know I suck at love relationship, however, just don't let such small matters affect your life. It's not worth it, after all, you may not know whether it's a crush, puppy love or true love. Do what you do best and just enjoy your life.

Well, so much things to do, but there is a limit too. I, sometimes wonder if my existence makes other people's lives more free or more as a burden. It's not suicidal thoughts, as I condone suicide as a coward act. But more like, what is my purpose and my existence for? What talent has God given me to show HIS glory? I pray that I will find out someday soon, so that I can stop walking aimlessly in life.

Under the heavy rain, armed with a mere umbrella and facing the lightnings and thunders... I went against my decision and decided to continue to assist her. I wonder why, asked HIM, Why all these? What's there left for me to be part of that life?

Thinking back, I had reasons to help before, as a friend, a buddy, a partner and a lover. However, none of those are in my hands now, so why continue to live that life? Why suffer under the illusions of togetherness, where it seems so distint and impossible?

Thinking ahead, if there was one slightest possiblity of being together again... will I continue to love as of how I did? Can I recognise her as of before? I don't know. My feelings are fading away bit by bit. But the reason is not that I had fall for another... it's because of me failing to recognise her for who she is now. It's because of me that I decided to let it go one step at a time.

How should I continue on... this story of mine?

Different working styles, personalities clashes. What else is new when it comes to working with others? Even best friends and family members fall out with each other due to these problems, what's more for strangers?

Everyone will experience it at least once in different stages of their lives. An example, projects in school. Primary, secondary, polytechnic, ITE, JCs or universities will have project groups working on a certain topic. Within these project groups, how many of the members have the same thinking and working style as you? Close to none?! Even in the working society, you'll be force to work with people you may not know at first. Even in scouting, when you are in a patrol, you will face different types of members.

Well, there are certain people who can be categorize as:
1) Siao-on type
2) Free-riders
3) Silent killers
4) Golden egg in the mouth
5) Agree-ers
6) Devil's advocate

But what ever it is, tolerance has a different limit for each person. Appreciation for other people who goes the extra mile to help out the group is also important. I salute and admire such people as they are willing to cover-up for their other team members lacking and still do a great job. And I really pray for those who are happily lacking and not contributing to the team effort and yet celebrate the same results. As the saying goes: "There's no I in a TEAM"

That's why they say, the world is a never fair place to play a leveled game. Some have to work harder, while others less and some just ride the waves. Beware, all waves do cease over time, while some will just crush you down.

Let's say that despite all differences and difficulties working together, the ultimate objective is to get the task done well, so that all can celebrate together for the effort put in.

For scouting units that faces power struggles and patrol members disagreements. One question for you guys, is it about YOU or about the UNIT that matters? For project groups that has team work problems, is it about YOU or about the ultimate submission of the project to obtain the RESULTS desired? For companies, is it about YOU earning more or the COMPANY earning?

Simple question, that lots of people find it difficult to answer due to their egoistic, selfish and idiotic mentally, that tells them to save themselves first and let the others die. Survival tactics?! Yeah but not human enough.

I just realised how much I miss history lessons and anything that has got to do with history of the World Wars as well as historical figures like the infamous Hitler and heroes like ME (just kidding). Anyway, I find myself having this weird habit of thinking far back into things such as history, buildings by mankind and nature by God.

I would just stare or read up on such matters that fascinates me. It makes me think, how did mankind created this beautiful thing? (Of cos' it's by God, but....) How is it done? How does it work? You know... such thoughts.