I was travelling by bus yesterday and was watching TVmobile as the TVM Quotes were flashing. Some were rather inspirational, however one of which caught my eyes. It says, "To be happy, be happy".

I do believe so. If you want to be something in life, you got to be it to achieve it. There are some who mimic, some who redefine and some just simply give up after so much tries. It can be tiring, annoying and frustrating to keep trying, yet not seeing results.

For example, I thought myself to be a loner before. Although I didn't really change much, however I embrace loneliness as a friend. I thought it was cool, fun and good. However, after reflecting and leaving that part of me behind, I realise how little memories I had with my friends and families.

When I entered Poly, I met two buddies... It was a 360 degree change in me, when I thought myself to be a friendly and approachable person. So I tried being a friend... to instill friendliness in me, I got to be a friend first... or at the very least to have friends. I was glad it changed for the better.

Slowly but surely, a lot of things changes in me during Poly... to be more cheerful, to laugh more, to smile more, to enjoy life, to have the company of friends... although we didn't do any major things together, however we do treasure each others' presence everyday.

Well, graduation is over... lives are starting to change again... I wonder when will be the time when we meet again.

Inspirational: Only Hope Awaits

As the cold water rushes through his lungs, the burning sensation was overwhelming and painful. He couldn't stand the torture of facing death in such a situation. His childhood fear has once again haunted him.

Breathe, breathe, BREATHE... He told himself. However, no matter how much effort made, how determined he was... He felt that only death awaits. His memories flashes before him, as though the dark, deep sea was a picture of his whole life. He remembered his first love, the one woman that he fell in love over and over again. He knew that he will break her heart when he goes away. She's waiting for me... He told himself.

He remembered his friends. The friends that followed him through thick and thin in his life. He thanked God for meeting such people in his life. He never regretted knowing them and spending time with them through out his life... till now. He regretted being stuck in this situation, so cold and lonely. No one to hear his last words, no one to see his smile, no one to notice him at all. He's frighten... frighten of what he is going to experience next.

He remembered his family. The ones who he loved and cherished. The ones that stood by him wherever he goes. He thanked God for allowing him to grow up through his father's teaching, his mother's love, his brothers' company and his god-sisters' acknowledgement. He wanted to reach out to pinch that silly girl's face again... Stupid female monkey, he thought to himself... Now you are grown up and free to go, although I never really did tried to chain you to me.

As time passes, he grew weaker and weaker... His spirit seems to float off his physical self. Then... a white light shone onto him. He heard voices, voices that seems to welcome him home. He heard praises of God, wondering if he was at church again. Ahh... he thought, how could he go to heaven when he didn't visited the church since ages ago? Are the angels speaking to him?

Then he saw a hand, reaching out for him... He didn't try to grasp it, but awaits for the hand to hold him tight. Soon, he heard a melodious tune...

There isn't any despair... there was only hope, as he saw his love again.

Inspirational: Memories

Another inspirational story since the last time I wrote about Murder and End of A Broken Dream.

The wind was howling madly as he walked past the plots of graveyard. It was past midnight and the moon was covered by the dark clouds. It's been sometime since he has been here. "How about 14 years ago?" he thought to himself.

The sight of burying someone is freshly etched in his mind. 14 years, it has been a long time since then. He wondered, what difference would there have been if she was still around. Would his life be better than the present? Would he be who he is today?

His mind was in a whirl from what has been happening in his life. It seems that he has been plagued by a curse, wherever he goes. His relationship with his wife and children has been deteriorating since ages and was on the blink of destruction. There were threats about divorce and separation, but none has made the move yet. He wondered, why? His career was marred by setbacks after setbacks. His friends and social circle began leaving him alone ever since then.

He wondered and pondered, who is to blame for this? The only person he can think of was himself. If he had study harder and focus on his career, he would have made it big. If only he didn't had a out-of-wedlock marriage, he would not have destroyed another person's future and be her burden. If only, he wasn't an asshole towards his friends and relatives, he would had company and love from others. Now as he walked towards the tomb of the one he cherish most, he wondered... "What went wrong along the way?".

Upon reaching the tomb, there was overgrown weeds all over the place. He thought, "When was the last time I visited her?" He started to pluck the weeds and tidied the tomb. As he worked his way, he thought of the fond memories that they had spent together before 14 years ago. The trips to Perth, the care, the concern, the love and the protection. He regretted not giving her the amount of love, care, concern and protection. He regretted not being about to honour her name.

It took an hour to tidy the tomb to an acceptable standard. He was drenched in perspiration. He sat by the tomb and took out his cigarettes. He lit two sticks and placed one of them on the tomb. He knew that she smoked too. But he guess that she didn't know that he would eventually. He started to talk to her about how his life has been for the past 14 years. The joys, the sorrows and eventually reaching to the present day.

He missed her and loved her. He yearn for her touch again and her smell. Her smile that radiates like a sunshine. If he had the chance, he would like to see her again. But he knows, one day he will... but will today be that day?

He is tired of his life of failures and few successes. His presence seems to be a burden for many people in his life. He thought that his presence was meant to benefit others... however whenever something happy happens, it will spiral downwards to hurt and sorrow due to his actions. He wondered, why?

As he grew more and more tired, he laid at the side of the tomb to rest. He didn't expect to wake up to see the light again. However, he felt the peace and calmness that he have not felt since she left. He felt as though she was beside him now. What a feeling, he thought... what a feeling... As he slowly drifted into a long long time to rest by her side again.

He spoke out his last words, "Mommy, I love you too..."

I was chatting with an old time friend, Catfish, earlier in the day. He msn-ed me about my enlistment stuff and shared a few thoughts and insight of it. One of the phrases that captured my attention, during our talks on how the leadership is during army, was: "Respect through care, not fear."

I really do agree with him. This really gives a whole new meaning of earning your respect from others. It's not to instill fear but to instill love. Similarly, I believe that's how God wants us to respect him and ourselves. People may proclaim about the 'hand of God' causing natural disasters and matters... however, if you really think about it... God is love, and if he so love the world to give his only begotten son to save us? Why torture us or kill us through such means? A punishment, some may say? But didn't his son took the punishment for us already?

I can feel the temperature rising in me these few days. It's not that I have a fever or flu but it's just temper. It seems that I can get worked up so easily for a moment, and it will take a longer time to cool down. I did ask myself what am I stress about? But there is none... so why? Perhaps, Wombat was right with his fear of me changing to a different Fish... from bad to worse, maybe? I don't know...

Watching the Hong Kong drama "Flaming Butterfly", I do fear a striking resemblance. Sometimes, when a couple do not move together in the same direction, priorities, aims, goals and other matters will defer. Ideas will clash, the give and take situation will vaporise... and well, fights will occur more often. Wolf, did mentioned to me about moving in the same direction to further understand each other. I guess the time is now. This is especially so when one is moving in the workforce or university, while the other is about to serve the nation.

How much will change? How much different in ideology will we be? How much can we give and take? And how tolerant can one be?

Both feared something. But how do we conquer this fear? How do we understand each other's needs when honesty and truthfulness among each other seems to be lesser and lesser?

I believe that as long as one of the couple doubt the other... the trust is broken. Building back a broken trust to how it was to be, is nearly an impossible task. There will always be that scar, that hurt, or that betrayal that will haunt the relationship for life. But I also do believe, that some couples do outlast this fact.

So whenever there seems to be a conflict, try to cool down and think for the other person. You may think too much, but at least if you express it to your partner... hopefully he or she knows that at least you did think about the relationship...

Good luck