1 more day to go
1 more day to go... it's just so scary yet hoping for a better and more positive answer.
Just ended a chat with her. It didn't go as smoothly as usual, but I was glad that it was a chance given to hear her laugh for a moment. I may seem desperately and hopelessly useless in such situations... I have to agree to what I said about myself. I can be good in most areas of my life, such as studies, activities and achievements but one thing just suck is call love. Love for my girlfriend, love for my family members and for my friends. That element in life seems to be either missing in me, or it is screwed up in me.
Like what I told her, I never regret to ask her again since that day. I never consider her as a replacement of the old or of some other dream girl. She is who she is. And I love her for that. Even in such a situation. OF CAUSE, I will not be so dumb to die for rejected love. I condone suicide as much as I dislike people who mistreat their own parents.
Lets just recall one thing that I did with you,
Walking down the dark route in Pasir Ris Park, it was a deliberate action. I wanted to feel you close to me, I wanted to know how it feels like being close together with you. I did feel it and I know till today, that was a right choice.
She was mentioning that I was not a boyfriend material, but more of a husband material. It didn't really help me but it was good enough, I guess. Honestly, I did think that far once... If we manage to get marry and stuff like that... but what matters most is now for me. I know that if this blow comes to me again. It will take a very long time to heal. It took several months the last time...
As I am sitting here and typing down my thoughts, it is just all mixed and in a whirl. I am recalling when she first sent me an e-mail, that read like she was writing a love letter to me... haha I thought it was sweet for her to do so. Of coz, plus the music lyrics that she sent me... I did went to find that song to hear... OK honestly, the song sounds weird, but the lyrics and meaning is there for me. The song was by Mandy Moore, named "Can we be friends". I guess that's her meaning at that time.
Life is so ironic and weird, she was fighting for me in the past and now, I am doing the fighting for her to stay in my life. A fight that I am not sure of, actually. I just wonder, when will she tell me... as the longer it drags... the longer it feels. I just hope for relieve that's all. I guess she is sleeping now, like an innocent child as I watched her sleep always. God watch over her too... Amen
Just ended a chat with her. It didn't go as smoothly as usual, but I was glad that it was a chance given to hear her laugh for a moment. I may seem desperately and hopelessly useless in such situations... I have to agree to what I said about myself. I can be good in most areas of my life, such as studies, activities and achievements but one thing just suck is call love. Love for my girlfriend, love for my family members and for my friends. That element in life seems to be either missing in me, or it is screwed up in me.
Like what I told her, I never regret to ask her again since that day. I never consider her as a replacement of the old or of some other dream girl. She is who she is. And I love her for that. Even in such a situation. OF CAUSE, I will not be so dumb to die for rejected love. I condone suicide as much as I dislike people who mistreat their own parents.
Lets just recall one thing that I did with you,
Walking down the dark route in Pasir Ris Park, it was a deliberate action. I wanted to feel you close to me, I wanted to know how it feels like being close together with you. I did feel it and I know till today, that was a right choice.
She was mentioning that I was not a boyfriend material, but more of a husband material. It didn't really help me but it was good enough, I guess. Honestly, I did think that far once... If we manage to get marry and stuff like that... but what matters most is now for me. I know that if this blow comes to me again. It will take a very long time to heal. It took several months the last time...
As I am sitting here and typing down my thoughts, it is just all mixed and in a whirl. I am recalling when she first sent me an e-mail, that read like she was writing a love letter to me... haha I thought it was sweet for her to do so. Of coz, plus the music lyrics that she sent me... I did went to find that song to hear... OK honestly, the song sounds weird, but the lyrics and meaning is there for me. The song was by Mandy Moore, named "Can we be friends". I guess that's her meaning at that time.
Life is so ironic and weird, she was fighting for me in the past and now, I am doing the fighting for her to stay in my life. A fight that I am not sure of, actually. I just wonder, when will she tell me... as the longer it drags... the longer it feels. I just hope for relieve that's all. I guess she is sleeping now, like an innocent child as I watched her sleep always. God watch over her too... Amen
posted by Unknown at
3:09:00 AM
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